Spent my time on the bottom and am still a fucking leech with no prospeccts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Feb 20, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I will never forget high school... while most people were out partying, or trying to get a date for the dance I was trying to figure out what career I wanted. Started when I was 14.

    I will be 24 later this year... but I have no intentions of making it to that birthday.

    After high school I was told that oing to community college was an effective way to figure things out...

    In the mean time I was offered a job that would pay my way through college with a relative of mine... Even at the time, I knew I would hate 50% of it... that 50% ended up being 90% becuase that relative does not want to let go of enough control to teach me anything here that would give me a future in it. (DONT ANYONE SAY TALK TO HIM, HE DOSN'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT DISSAGREES WITH HIS PRECONCEPTIONS).

    I was never able to take a full load of classes... I think the best I ever did with good grades was 9 units. Did the math from where I was and assumeing that A. I found a career path before this past semester B. Every unit transfered to it. C. I didn't fail anything (ha... all i ever f ucking do is fail) I would be close to 30 before I graduated...

    The job for fmaily is a daily trigger... It is 99% grunt work... 1% shit that I am not good at. I am horrible with my hands... I can't fix anything... I can't opperate a fucking hamme,r drill, screwdriver... anything.

    I havew worked forever trying to find a career path... but reality is I am just not good at antyhing. Im to stupid for college, body is breaking down allready so phyisical labor isn't an option... and anything that requies my hands isn't going to bew an option.

    No one is hireing people who don't have expierence... but any job I could expect to get is just the bottom of a different ladder... I have done my time here and refuse to start over somewhere esle... I would rather die. I refuse to struggle on minimum wage... I need 100K a year to distract myself form the fact that I will never be able to socialize with people thanks to the reincarnation of hitler and his nazis bullying me when I was a child. Women are disgusted by me and with my aner issues, and lack of career prospects I can't blame them.

    I don't have the enery to spend on another job I hate... I hate every other fucking aspect of my life... I can't deal with another bad job... I have a deadline set for my demise.. but if I diddn't find a way to rant it would ahve been pushed to today. There is no fucking point trying when all I have ever done is fail.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and I am so sorry you are going through this...I know this sounds like it is coming out of left field, but considering my background, my question is whether you have seen a learning specialist...I will clarify further when we meet in chat, but do consider this...you are by no means stupid or insignificant...in fact, I like you a lot (not that I am the end all and be all of who deserves worth)...please remember that
     
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Well things continue to go from bad to worse.

    I screws up royally and now there is a fued in my family directed related to my job within this. Most of it is just people jumping to conclusions then dissreguarding anything that dissagrees... but the only way i see to fix taht would involve digging up another ancient arguement that tends to leave me depressed and triggered, and feeling like I have wasted every moment of my adult life. I don't know how to fix it.

    There are other issues I might or might not get into but... i had to vent about this one.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.