Spikey's ranting.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Spikey, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    I hate it when people let me down, and they've been doing a LOT of that lately?
    What is it with me?
    I hate people saying they'll see me and then they don't, I hate it when people are late, and I hate it when people don't call when they say they will.
    I guess this all strings back to when I was a child and my Dad always let me down.
    For those that don't know about him he walked out on my mum and I when I was nine, (21 now), and he'd call and say he'd see me, he wouldn't turn up and he'd switch his phone off. Which is why I hate being let down. It brings back worse memories than people can even begin to imagine, so guys, if you're going to say you'll meet me, then do it.

    There's nothing I hate more than a coward like my father.
  2. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Yeah you see the thing with me is I can't take rejection.
    Everytime I go anywhere all I ever get is rejection.
    Why is this I ask myself? People tell me I'm very pretty, a bit of a fat ass but nothing that can't be cured with a bit more exercise. I've even had someone stop me in the street to tell me I'm pretty, but all I get when I go out is rejection, which is why I stay at home, and read. Most people tell me I'm very intelligent and well spoken for a almost-21-something.
    So I let my friends and my social life slip away, the rejection deepens.
    I can't help it, my dad rejected me, I was rejected all through school, now I'm being rejected in adulthood. So I'm very sensitive to that.
    I hate being alone for another thing, but I'm so used to it that I don't like being in peoples company.
    Why I like chatting online I guess, alone enough to switch off, but talking so not alone in that way.
    Another thing is last night my friend/neighbour got really really drunk and was depressed and suicidal and was talking about slitting his wrists and I felt so triggered by it I felt like saying "If you don't do it, I fucking will!"
    I'm inspired to write but I can't ever get anything done.
    I feel ok right now, I'm not depressed, I'm not happy, but I feel in control of my life somehow, I've booked a holiday, I really need to get away so I'm going to the Kent coast near Folkstone for a week, I've been before and it's so relaxing, so maybe I can write there when I get my head sorted.
    I feel in control now because I'm not eating so much so I feel good about that and my exercising, and also I'm going to a party on Saturday so it should be good.
    Ugh, I don't know the meaning of these words, I guess they're just the inner ramblings of my fogged up brain, perhaps by writing all this nonsense I can start to write my own story, which is my ambition.

    Melissa x
  3. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    You got to get up
    If you wanna get

    I hate people that ain't movin' their shoes
    and I hate everybody that I see not feelin' my groove
    I like rhymes that be quick as we be takin' the bar
    but I hate everybody that don't like electric guitars and I
    hate people who think they can dose up their medicine fuckin' with venom... and I
    twista... show them the force I'd like to see somebody talkin shit get turned up a corpse
    only model with the ones that got the wickedest drawers... kick it with ya'll
    but I hate phony ass people
    and I hate having no dro
    and I hate bitchy-ass clubs that don't be havin no bitches that break it down to the floor
    and I hate when I can't help somebody
    and I hate when I ain't got dough
    and I hate everyone feelin twista and prodigy rockin' music party music control

    You've got to get up
    If you wanna get off

    Keep your eyes open... so I can stop you from blinkin
    Make you feel... try to see what you're thinkin
    Through the hole in your dome while I'm holding my own
    Get so cold in the zone I'm destroying my clone
    I can fill the fuckin' room up with torture and pain..
    lyrical... is coursing my veins
    It's the trilogy of terror... from my era
    ... agility that I scare ya because I hate ya'll
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you need a few :hug: Please don't let it get you down. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to post here and let things vent out. Take care spikey. :hug:
  5. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Thanks Gentlelady, it means a lot to me when people take the time to read all my crap and reply!!!!!
    I'm ok now, hope you're okay.

    Love ya xxxxx :hug:
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I can identify with a lot of what you wrote here, not so much ppl not meeting you, and not turning up...I lived such a sheltered life when i was younger there was no need for me to meet anyone, but i can understand the feelings of rejection. I copped a lot of that from my father when I was younger, and at school in a big big way, talk about black sheep. Then my father started going out of his way to make up for it...but it was all too late by then. School fucked me up for many years, but I rarely think about it now. Those feelings of rejection will fade in time, and it will get easier to take the knocks as time goes on, I know its not hard when it keeps happening though. You develop a certain "who gives a fuck" attitude as you get older, you will too.