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spinning out

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by kaurigirl, Aug 21, 2009.

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  1. kaurigirl

    kaurigirl Member

    Hi. I'm new to the group. I never knew I had an eating disorder, until my friends kept mentioning my obsession with my size, and that it didn't match what I really looked like. I was a skinny child, I just didn't like food much and not sweets or icecream etc. It was difficult to understand why people seemed upset that I didn't eat my lunch. I simply wasn't hungry.
    Anyway, after being diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, I did chemo, and was so ill I needed steroids. The combination of these stuffed my body up completely. I went from never wanting to eat again, to being ravenous and put on 3 /12 stone in a short time. I thought I'd be stuck with it for ever, and tried to be Ok with it, when I had a bad depression, and felt suicidal. For some reason, the weight just fell off me, and I fell below where I started out, I lost 1/5 of my body weight in several weeks. Now I'm stuck wanting to be that weight. if I go over it, I try and get back there. I live alone, so meals have become redundant. Money is an issue, and I can't seem to make myself cook. I'm also having a scare with a CT scan to check for brain mets this week.
    I'm battling depression - living as a cancer survivor, I've had to endure so many assaults on my body. Several lots of surgery, medications, falls, broken bones. From the beginning, my cancer seemed to belong to everyone but me. people decided treatments, appointments, what to tell me, what I had to hear, what I was meant to think about and even what to feel. I'm in therapy and that's good. I found this group this week, joined because I can feel life spinning out of control. Today I'm scared because I let myself eat when I was hungry and I can't remember what I've had. I usually limit my food, and if I go over, cut down for a few days. Suddenly, this pattern is not working. Kaurigirl
  2. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    Hi Kaurigirl! Welcome to SF! There's lots of nice people here, they're not judgemental, the chat room is a pretty fun place to go if you need to talk to someone or need advice or anything. I've been struggling with depression but not with eating really, but I do know that some people restrict their eating as a way of having control over their lives, if they can't control anything else. I use my exercise routine as a control over my body, I lift weights. You can always PM me, if you need anything. =)
  3. GS9

    GS9 General

    I found that friends can be the biggest haters, Why would so called friends nail you for being 'you'

    And I Want to congratute you for surviving cancer, I lost a family member to breast cancer and the pain hurts to lose a love one like that

    I see you as a strong individual and a trooper in many ways
    I wouldnt say i suffer from a eatting disorder base on that i have no money for food

    Any I can relate to you
    Keep being you
    PM me any time :hugtackles:
  4. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    They say teenage girls develop anorexia because they need to have something to control in their lives. It seems grown women are they same. You have been though so much, talking helps. Are you getting help?
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