Spiralling out of control

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Mystic, Jan 31, 2010.

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  1. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    What is anyone supposed to do when life goes out of control? Life batters you at each corner and you see yourself falling away?

    I want to leave my wife...her OCD has physically and emotionally killed me..but to do so would mean that I would loose what few things there are in life left for me. It would mean a great deal of personal sacrifice and the price is too high. (its complicated)

    I want to leave my job...I have wanted to leave it for over ten years, but I am defeated at every attempt. Unfortuanly, pays well and has lots of benefits, but I have no drive to do it. I am dying of terminal boredom. But walking out is not an option - at least with no where to go. But I may be forced to leave sooner or later..

    I have a degenerative medical condition which in time will make me disabled and unable to do my job and I will need help with basic tasks. My wife has already said I will have to fend for myself and is not interested. My condition is just an inconvienence for her - nothing more.

    As for doctors...not interested. Been there...done that...

    Hobbies...interests...friends... Thats for other people. Not me.

    The other thing on my mind is this is about the time my mother died. At least she was never aware of the pain I am in.

    And someone said to me a month ago "Happy New Year"... obviously not referring to this one.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Why is hobbies or interest not for you. Is there nothing that youwish to do or try to do. Pick one thing and do it and maybe in the process you will make a friend. I think if the doctor is not listening to your concerns go to a different doctor until somone listens It sounds may as well you need to get on some medication to help you get unstuck or therapy is the best to help you move forward a bit. I hope you can just chose one just one thing you want to do and go for it. take care.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you have a helluva lot going on in your life and more to come (that one I can really relate to!!!).

    Have you been able to get any outside support as your wife clearly is not a source? Are you open to things such as therapy and medications if they would help?

    Take care and hang tough it gets better it really does, happiness does not last and neither does sadness so you got that going for you, everything changes always..

    Hugs, Bambi
  4. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies..

    I have no hobbies as I have no interest in anything. Right now, I regard hobbies as a waste of time and a bit "futile" and not worth any trouble on my part. I have been there with several pastimes and never actually achieved anything, got anywhere and lost interest soon after. I don't (never have had) any friends, and to be totally honest, I wouldn't know what to do if I had one (which is never going to happen). I have had to spend my life isolated from everyone and everything.
    Besides, when I finish work everyday, I finish an unpleasent job and go home to an unpleasent house. In that scenario, it uses all my concentration just to drag myself from one situation to another and this sucks away any enthusiasm, interests and anything 'good' out of me. I work, I play on my PC, watch TV, eat and sleep. Anything else doesn't happen.

    I've been down the meds path before. They either don't work or have unplesant side effects which forces me to stop. I don't want and will refuse all meds. As for therapy, its never been offered to me. My doctor is more focussed on my 'other' disorder and I have been reffered to a specialist at a hospital. A major operation and life is really going to get "interesting" - If I choose not to go ahead, I get to spend my life as a cripple - either way, I loose.

    I feel I am slipping away.
    I have never had a solid grasp on "life" to begin with. I had a bad upbringing and that has left me emotionally scarred and deformed. No matter what I try or do, nothing happens, nothing changes. Now I don't know how to be anything else.

    I feel like I don't "fit". I don't belong anywhere or to anyone. I feel I have no right to anything....not even life.

    I should not be here.
    I should not be alive.

  5. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I am thinking I made a mistake posting this.
  6. mikemass84

    mikemass84 Member


    What happen?... Are you ok?
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