Every day gets just a tiny bit harder. If you take it as one day, then it's hardly noticable, but it all adds up. Little by little, until you open your eyes and realise you passed breaking point a month ago. How did that happen? How did I fail to realise just how far I'd come? Why did no one stop it getting this far? Why IS there no one to stop it getting this far? Now the "support" I tried so hard to get put in place is gone. I stopped it, because it was making me ill. They're going to forward me details of the complaints procedure. Oh what fun. I also wrote an email to my mother, who I haven't spoken to since November. The number of F words in the email is ridiculous, as is the fact that I told my mother that if she didn't like it.... to "bite me". But that's how it goes when it all flows out in a crazed stream of angry consiousness. In amongst all the swearing though was a very clear message to her... Help me. I haven't heard from her. It's been a week. I didn't expect anything, but I am disappointed. Always disappointed. She cares more for her own pride, than to help stop my sink into oblivion. I want help, I need help and there is none. Even here.. I don't know how to connect with people, so I write.. mainly to myself. The only person that I managed to make any kind of connection with may or may not be gone. I wish I had some alcohol so at least I could get myself through another night by drinking myself to sleep.