Spiritual view on suicide (this is what is helping me through)

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by Jasp, Nov 8, 2014.

  1. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    Dear all, I am new to this forum. Let me share my story with you, if it takes at least one of you to a better place, I will be grateful. What I want to tell you in this post is in short, how I used to be very very happy, how I had an accident that crushed my life and left be in a terrible dark place, how I thought ending my life was the only way out, how I managed to stay alive by desperately searching for the return of some light into my life, and how I found it in spirituality and how I am now holding on day by day, step by step, moment by moment and for the rest of my life.

    A few days ago I turned 27. When I was 24, I started on a serious quest to deal with my life and with my insecurities and find true happiness. I left my ex, moved out from our appartment, left many friends behind and set out into a new adventure. All things around me changed, new hobbies, new people, new places, ignoring my parents and grandparents concerns for me, just deciding what was good for me all by myself, listening to my heart and dreams, knowing that the best part of my life was still in front of me. And I found a lot, nice people, my own room with nice housemates, an ex-psychiatrist and his wife who had both intensively studied many many years to help others, and who deeply cared for me and who taught me how to embrace my feelings and emotions, how to be gentle to myself and with life, how to make the best out of myself. At the same time, I studied ancient hindu wisdom and new western spirituality to further develop myself too. Within 2 years I was radiating with joy, I was extatic and people new me for my infectuous laughter and soft, mindfull hugs. At the top of my explorations, I was a talented dancer (Argentine tango), a singer, an actor, I loved to swim, do yoga, go for walks, I liked to cook, to meditate, I did some karate, I had met someone special and I was buidling up confidence to ask him out for a date (I am male, so yes that makes me gay). And I combined this with a very interesting thesis in organizational leadership research, based on my own dancing leading and backed up by ancient wisdom (such as the scripture Tao Te Ching by Lao Tse). Life was perfect.

    Then I had an accident. It came all of a sudden. It is too complicated to tell exactly what happened, but let me say that someone tried to "help" me and that turned out bad. My life turned into a nightmare, I was hospitalized against my will and was forced medication (the doctors were trying to cure my psychosis, indeed I had one, but it was a mild one). What followed was a true nightmare, all in all I suffered intensely for months. I felt totally crushed, only 3% left of the one I once had been, I've recoverd somewhat now, and feel like 10-15% of the old me is still intact. I can't dance anymore, nor sing, nor work nor study, my body feels heavy and shapeless like a bag of potatoes, many friends have forgotten about me, I have had terrible nightmares, that's getting a bit better now, I need medication to sleep, I was devastated and so utterly suicidal that I never would have believed it possible to live up to my next birthday, which happend just a few days ago. My life was a hell on earth, and it still is excruciatingly difficult.

    What saved me, was my search for meaning and purpose. I wanted to know what had happened to me and why, and whether it could have been otherwise or whether it was meant to be. So I set out on a new quest, this time getting to the bottom of topics like pain and suffering and why they are part of our human existence. Also, I wanted to know what happens when we die and whether we live on after death. I searched the whole worldwideweb, read many many books, and accessed sources and documents I otherwise never would have accessed, including psychic mediums, hypno- and regressiontherapists, channeled books, Akashic Record readings, and reports of people who had had near-death experiences, especially after failed attempts of suicide.

    So during my first quest (for happiness) I had learned one thing: happiness is real and it can be found. Make the decision that you want to find it and you will, by reading about it and by slightly gravitating towards it day by day, until one day your life situations will have changed. During my second quest, I learned many other things, some of which I will list down here below, together with the sources where I found the information.

    - Life is beyond good or bad, and we are here with a purpose. live in the moment, this is where you can find a peacefulness that goes even beyond happy and unhappy. In the book "Power of the now", by Eckhart Tolle, a world famous spiritual teacher who suffered severely from suicidal depression, until his suffering grew so intens that his egoic mind could not bare it anymore and that night, he reached enlightenment.

    - Prior to life, we as eternal souls plan our sojourn on earth, we know which lessons we want to learn and through which situations, relationships and challenges we will learn these lessons. Suffering has great meaning because it makes us grow as humans and as souls. You yourself have designed every aspect of your life, with help from your guides. Source: the books Your Soul's Plan and Your Soul's Gift, both by Robert Schwartz. Now, these are powerful books (they are one of the two sources that saved my life!!), with a provocative but very refreshing perspective. Must read for anyone who is suffering and is open-minded. The second book has a chapter on suicide.

    - Suffering is part of life and it has great purpose. http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research01.html and http://whitecrowbooks.com/features/page/the_reason_for_suffering_by_silver_birch

    - People who try to take their own life and fail at the attempt but do have a near-death experience are happy that they survived, and in most instances their lives change and improve dramatically afterwards due to their experience. http://www.near-death.com/experiences/suicide04.html (with more interesting stories on the same website) and http://www.nderf.org/NDERF/NDE_Experiences/suicide'.htm (google "suicide NDE nderf", first hit).

    - What happens when you commit suicide, and that taking your own life is never a way out, because you will meet the suffering you've gone through and that brought you to this point in a different situation in a next life, until you finish the challenge. http://www.channelingerik.com/the-akashic-records-and-suicide/ and http://www.freewebs.com/ebabeiknarf/White Feather/Question & Answers/WF QA - Troubled Minds.pdf

    - Why some people go through more pain and suffering than others, and that there is a balance in this and that you have to know darkness in order to know light. http://www.freewebs.com/ebabeiknarf...n & Answers/WF QA - Suffering & Innocence.pdf

    - That instead of having a near-death experience as mentioned above to reconnect with your light, you may also choose to do a past life or between lives soul regression by a specialized hypnotherapist. Google it, or search for Michael Newton (and his book Memories of the Afterlife) or Robert Schwartz and his books I mentioned above. There are many hypnotherapists all over the world, some better than others. I am planning on doing a session myself in a year or so from now to get more clarification about my current situation.

    - Lastly, I have done 3 Akashic Record readings. These readings have deeply transformed the way I experience the things that have happened to me in the past few months. An Akashic Record reading allows you to look at your life from the level of your soul, it can reveal to you your challenges, your talents, your pitfalls, your mission in this life etc. etc. The information you receive is very loving and compassionate. These readings are the number 1 reason I am still alive, I had given up already and expected to live only days to weeks longer, when I got the first reading. The value of the information I received was lifesaving, for example did I learn that I myself chose this challenge before I was born, and that the accident was not a mistake, nor is the life I am leading now. I am supposed (and my soul desires) to go through this, because it will eventually result in an enormous step of growth in my soul development. Now I am to take good care of my self, and in time, with talents I possess but that I am not consciously aware of yet, I will bring light into the darkness and suffering of many people. Also have I learned, that no one is to blame for what happened to me, that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be, and that ending my life is not a way out. (Akashic Record readings are avalaible all over the world, google Akasha/Akashic Records reading and find someone you trust near your place, or at a distance via Skype).

    I still lose hope, I honestly don't think I can do this, but I hope I will, I still feel weak, my life situation will not improve, but I am determined and through the readings and the sources mentioned before, I have transformed all my anger, frustration, dissapointment and resentment into compassion and gratefulness. Even though I am broken, my spirit is whole again, and I am no longer a victim. Life is hard for me, but every day I live is a tribute to my self. I look only at the positive things in my life and tell others to do so too, I practice gratitude and compassion every day, and I noticed that happiness is not dependent on circumstances, but is always available within oneself, even in the unbearable times I still had this option of choosing happiness above unhappiness, of choosing light above merging with the darkness. I hope this will help you.

    An excerpt from my first Akashic Record reading (translated from Dutch into English):
    "Feel your left fist. Remember the power in your left fist. Stand strong in the midst of the storms. Stand in the darkness, like the warrior, who is ready to go the path that he is being called to go, and the warrior who knows that he will conquer all challenges, and in so doing, will fulfill his mission, because he knows, from own experience and knowledge, what he is talking about. And the warrior who knows, that fear only exists in the imagination of the mind. (...) When it is night, and you are surrounded by darkness, then you know that it is the darkness of the night, and not a lasting darkness. That everything still exists in that darkness. Such is the darkness of the night, such is the darkness of the fears, such is the darkness of the imagination. (...) The darkness is not your tiran, it is not your master, you are your own master. You have not come here to serve the darkness, or to serve illusions, you have come here to serve the light within yourself and to stay connected with it, through all burdens, worries, pain and sorrow. It is not an easy task, but you have chosen it. In our dimensions it is easy to remain connected to the light that we are, because here there is only light. It is, we say, a gift from the gods, that you may do this task, that you may bring this light, that you may show your warriorship, and we are always at your side, and in fullest confidence, and knowing that you can do this, that you can do this what you are being called to do. Are we clear?"
    AlexiMarie7 likes this.
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry,I was correct with my first read of you. It wasn't as long as what I just read either, In just 3 Short years, being disenchanted with your old life you searched for and found a New and wondrous You. You even left behind the old Baggage, With The Help of some wondrous new friends, (you sure had blessings heaped on you) and at this point, what, you were 2 years into your sojourn? Amazing, remarkable, surely nothing Short of Miraculous. Just by leaving home and turning over a new leaf. Forgoing everything that you learned (I Had to take a Break, I lost my breath) I take notice that up to this point, you are not alone, it seems (my interpretation) to me you are the center of a circle, as you so richly deserve. Somewhere around this time you were injured in an accident. I cannot and will not comment on anything you went through but near as I can figure out at this point you approximately, 26. So you are sayin that in the period of 1 year, you went through everything else, Hospitalization, forced temporary commitment, recuperation and Further enlightenment. Now you are recently turned 27 and you go forth. Further at this point you decided to find out, what happened and why, the treatments and all that medical jargon I am awed. All this and Tao Te Ching by Lao Tse.

    I am sorry truly sorry for your accident, I used to Drive and work on an ambulance and I know the devastation of any accident. but to tell you the truth, from your description it wasn't like a typical road accident it was a unique type of accident. Ah, Yes, it Was an Accident that came all of a sudden I don't know what happened or why. I believe by your statement I wouldn't understand. I guess I am one of those Uneducated People that now roam our Country. So I guess we will just skip that part too. I do have, well, not a question sort of a comment, Where is everybody else in your life where is this ex psychiatrist and his wife and that boyfriend you mentioned. You no longer talk about anyone else. Your Parents? No support system, just these books you talk about? what they did for you, Oh, I am sorry. One last item, I am Clear, You are clear, I guess that's what you meant when your last question was, Are We Clear*
  3. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    Well, you're right. I did have blessings heaped on me, many. I was blessed, I even felt the presence of God, everything I touched turned into gold. It all started when I fell in love with this dancer. I believe it was some spiritual awakening, the moment when I first really looked into his eyes, it was as if time stood still, as if my whole world was turned upside down and inside out, and all I felt was radiating love, space, peace and goodness. However, this moment also revealed to me all my shynesses and insecurities and hurts and fear of rejection, so it was a very complicated relationship and in all, I've seen him maybe 5 or 6 times in my life and we only had 1 date which wasn't even nice. But what he had given me was a feeling of unconditional love that propelled me into 2,5 years of blessing after blessing.

    Well, as to the accident, I can tell you a bit more about it, but as I said, it's complicated. Before this guy came into my life, I had tried some meditation but not more than that. Once I 'd met him, I set out on a spiritual quest for enlightenment and self-empowerment. At first I started with "traditional" approaches to Enlightenment such as uncovering your own egoic mind so that it will serve the Heart (this was a really scary process, scary for the mind, because I used it to work on its own dissolution). Eventually I found an approach that was much softer to the mind, this was the teaching of the Law of Attraction by Abraham-Hicks: Feel it on the inside, and it will manifest on the outside. Feel love and you will reap love, feel prosperity and your life will be prosperous. Now this worked really really well for me, and this where the blessings kept coming one after another. However, at a certain moment in time, this teaching turned itself against me (and that is what I call the accident): something happened as someone tried to help me, and this scared the hell out of me, and with the Law of attraction: feel fear and you'll realize fear: So all kind of scary events started happening to me, chasing me whereever I went and looked. Whereever I went something bad happened. Until I got committed in a psychiatric hospital, and this is when hell really opened its gates for me, and where I used to reap only blessing after blessing, this is where I reaped shock and terror and nightmares, one after another. Until after 2 weeks when I managed to find out how to stop manifesting via the law of attraction, but then, I was already devastated, totally crushed. Well, to be honest, I don't believe it really was an accident, I believe that my soul planned this to happen prior to my birth, so it couldn't have been another way. Now I am learning the lessons that come with hardship and it is these lessons my soul wanted to learn in this life, and for good reasons. That makes that I can carry it, so far.

    As to the "we" in the last sentence. This "we" is pronounced by the spokespersons of the Akashic Records, they speak in plural. They wanted to know whether I understood the significance of what they'd just told me.

    Thanks for your post.
  4. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    As to the other persons in my life: My parents support me, so I've stayed with them for a while, soon I'll move to a "social/psychiatric/farming/institution", where I will be treated for psychosis and meanwhile I can do things like working with cows, growing vegetables etc. to reconnect with my body. I lost many friends when I split up with my ex-boyfriend since we had those friends in common, I met many new people in the last 2,5 years, however this was not enough time to build up a solid lasting friendship that will survive a friendship like mine. I have a good friendship with my ex-boyfriend, however he moved to another country. I still talk to the ex-psychiatrist and his wife, however they live in a different city. I have had such an accelerated process of going through life that only very very few people where able to comprehend, and the new people I'd met in the meantime didn't my old me, so we had no common ground to start from.