spiteful

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by jcat, May 6, 2007.

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  1. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    i am a suicide failure. every time i have tried to commit suicide in the past i have come back. i've wrecked motorcycles, overdosed.
    <mod edit: bunny - methods> i fractured my skull, broke my leg. the paramedics gave me two transfusions and brought me back to life after being dead for 2 1/2 minutes. i was above the ambulance and saw what was happening. oh well. the doctors didn't know if i would make it through the night. i came out of it and was pissed. i eventually got put on psych meds and they helped for a while. i quit taking them and the shit comes back into my head. the first time i tried to kill myself i was five years old. i have the scar on my wrist to show for it. i abused drugs for years, and now i am clean and sober, without psych meds. maybe i need to be put back on them. they do help, but i hate having to take pills every day. it sucks. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of life. my best friend died in 1998. she was my only escape. she 's the only person that i was able to talk to about my problems. i am an emotional basketcase.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2007
  2. Des

    Des Member

    Hi
    I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know what it is like to fail at suicide attempts and can understand how angry you must have been when you did fail.

    If you have had periods of being suicidal since you were 5 years old then, I would suggest that you get yourself into therapy to help you to understand what your motivation really is all about. I would suggest that if psych meds helped you before, it may be a good idea to go back onto meds for a while just to help you over this period.

    Loneliness can be very depressing and not having anyone to share your problems with, can become too much to carry alone. I would even say that if you are feeling really desperate, you could phone a crisis line or something just to have someone to talk to during those times.

    I hope you will feel better.

    Des
     
  3. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    wow im out of my mind after six years of feeling this way. i cant imagine what you're going through. i hope you find something that will work for you

    rosalie
     
  4. ProperlyLast

    ProperlyLast Active Member

    I have never taken medication. My family didn't really have the money for me to be "depressed". I pretty much had to raise my brother and sister. I can't tell you I know what that's like, but if it makes your life worth living, then I say go for it. Life is about struggle. Sometimes humans get fucked, and get born missing something. I believe in our mental ability to overcome nature. That might mean mechanical legs, or chemical balancing drugs. Don't think of it as a crutch, think of it as an addition of something you never had. You say you tried to kill yourself when you were 5, I'm guessing your problems are nature, and not nurture. I can only give my opinion, but I see you as a great example of the glory of man. Your mind has gotten you this far. Nature tried to kill you and you resisted. Don't think of your failures as yours, but natures, for nature failed to kill you. God dammit man. Never give up. Decide.
     
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