This is my worst day ever. When I got home from work, I thought I could talk to my friends about it, but they're unavailable. So I'm talking to you. Aren't you the lucky ones? I started my job back in October. It's retail, so I'm putting in extra hours for Christmas. Every time I go to that job, I get the message I'm no good at it. Despite doing the best I can, sometimes I have trouble finding products, and sometimes I have trouble selling them. I get the message daily that I'm slow and stupid. It breaks me down. My boss has said nothing to me. He only complimented me once since I started. That compliment referred to me unpacking Christmas ornaments. He has no trouble communicating with other employees, but he avoids talking to me as much as possible. I don't know if I should worry about this or not. I feel as if I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says WEAK or SCAPEGOAT or MISFIT. I don't mind the environment, but retail is something I am not a master of. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated most of the time. But I don't feel like quitting. I need the money. I'm going to school at the same time and trying to get a new career. I know I shouldn't worry about the retail and should concentrate on the new career, but I feel so powerless and weak that I feel like I can't do anything. Not a damn thing. There's this one worker who makes me feel like shit. She's very manic and wants to succeed in the store. She's shown me up a number of times. It doesn't upset me that much because I don't care to stay there for five years. But I'd like to feel valued and that I'm making a contribution at least once in a while. Overall, my life keeps getting more and more painful. There's nothing I excel at, not romantic relationships, not work, not anything. And I feel ashamed that I should feel this self pity. I feel trapped in a corner I can't get out of. And I wish I knew how to write a sentence without so many I's!!! I was thinking of calling a crisis line and talking. Sometimes I wish I could go back and not have gone to school. Nobody really gives a shit about me. I can't tell you how much anger boils inside me. I'd like to shoot a fucking CEO of the school or that fucking job for making me so godamn miserable. I tried to write an original title for this post to get your attention, because I really need it. My soul cannot breathe.