Spontaneous or Planned?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SinisterKid, Jul 2, 2016.

  1. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am just curious about how anyone approaches taking their own life.

    I just got up one Saturday morning and knew that today was the day. I gathered what I needed, put my music on, took the cocktail and went to sleep/fell into a coma. No planning, no thoughts beforehand, just got up and wanted to get the job done.

    Second time around was much the same, but I was very confused and not clear about what I was doing. My mind was elsewhere, not on the job in hand for some obscure reason.

    So I am spontaneous without a doubt and its why I dont like to be alone for long periods of time, I know what can happen.
  2. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Sinister, when I feel myself approaching the thought I try and back down logically by telling myself it is a permanent solution to temporary problem. I have been close several times over the years to doing something but have always backed off due to the little voice in my head telling me it is not the way.
    I also find that if I am alone for a long period of time the thoughts invade, so I try and do mindless things to keep those thought away.
  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I have been learning some distraction techniques. Sometimes they work, sometimes they dont, but for me, it very early days in the recovery process, so I have to learn to walk before I can run kinda thing.
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    When I get overcome with thoughts of destroying everything about my life-I always stop myself and look at the metaphor. I see what my thoughts symbolize-my conscious intention to end my connection to life. I always end my connections to people, situations and problems in my mind-I don't allow anyone or anything to affect me or cause me to do anything I don't want to do. Instead of going through with the intention of killing myself-I kill peoples ability to control me in any way and live my life by my terms completely. I found over time that taking control over my own life and telling everyone else to f--- off gave me the self confidence I needed to move on and stay in the game.
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    For me, it's mostly out of spontaneous. I do have a plan on how I would do it, got the stuff for it, but have it on hand when those spontaneous urges gets in the way. I try when those urges hit to talk myself out of it. Sometimes taking something to sleep it off. I get scared at times that one day, I think I may not be able to hold myself back, not reach out, and I give in. I'm sad, I get this way and the thoughts are there and it's not going away. I thought about telling my dr but scared I will get admitted. I know I need to speak up - just finding the courage to do so.
  6. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I was having this debate with one of the OT's, is it the thoughts thst set off the emotions or the emotions that set off the thoughts. Chicken and egg. Not found the anser to that conundrum yet. Maybe they go hand in hand? You cant have one without the other?

    Itss alien to me because I always want to get better, but my mantra right now is that its all about it not getting any worse. I have to focus on that, but it sure as hell aint easy.
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs - Know we are here to help you get through. It isn't easy but we got each other to help get better.
    SinisterKid likes this.
  8. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    I feel like doing it right now and it's kinda planned with some spontaneous courage
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have attempted a few times but the most serious one was acted upon impulse. I just wanted to die there and then and was full sure I would. I am very impulsive. I remember the day well,I wasn't upset, wasn't anxious, just wanted to leave the world. Woke up few days later out of a coma. That was way back in 2011 but obviously that is something I will never forget. I am actually glad I survived and glad I puuled through. It has for sure made me a better person.
    SinisterKid likes this.
  10. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Are you safe?
  11. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am not going to try and talk you out of it or stop you. I will just say, talk to someone first, think it through and if you still feel the same way, then thats that. We are all here for same/similar reasons, so talk to us if ya want, at least we can identify and relate to you and your feelings. I just want you to stay safe above anything else.
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Mine well be well planned out. If I get to that point, I will do my best to make sure it won't fail.
  13. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    Both. That is I had/have my plan and items. But at the time I attempted/carry it out, it was/will be spontaneous to a degree.
  14. Itsokimprettycalm

    Itsokimprettycalm New Member

    I tried 2 years ago. I was seriously calm and knew exactly what I was doing. Unfortunately I woke up in hospital the next day. I've had a mostly great recovery and take anti depressants, but to be honest. I am always going to come back to this place. I have a great life and no reason to want to leave it. But I do. So much. Currently considering <mod edit - methods> I'm just worried I'm so pathetic I won't be able to do it. I don't want to do it alone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2016
  15. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Not being able to take your own life is not pathetic, far, far from it. Maybe its just a sign that you are not ready?

    Right now, its important you try and stay safe. Reading and chatting here can help you do that.

    If you have such a great life and no reason to leave it, then why do you want to die?
  16. Itsokimprettycalm

    Itsokimprettycalm New Member

    I'm tired of it all. Coming back to this place is horrendous and no amount of medication or loved ones will ever change the fact that I will always come back to this place of certainty that I don't want to be here. Why drag it out and drag other people through an unwanted life? I would happily walk into a hospital tonight and give my life to a young parent about to lose theirs. I don't want to cause anyone pain or sorrow. I just don't want this.
  17. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    One thing we all seem to have in common is we are all tired, tired of so many things to do with this life.

    You will cause someone somewhere pain or sorrow or both, its inevitable, but suicidal people like me and you tend to lose sight of that. We just have the urge to make our exit and to hell with everything else.
  18. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    PLANTANEOUS! *comedic sting*

    Really it's a bit of both for me. My suicidal tendencies would haphazardly, drastically increase for several days, and sometimes I had considered making plans, but I've yet to act upon them mainly because I'm aware that I don't truly want to die. Also, I wouldn't want the attention that could follow after an attempted suicide, assuming that I'd fail. Fuck that literal noise.
  19. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    PLANTANEOUS.........now thats funny ;)
    Inanimate and Brian777 like this.
  20. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Good post Sinisterkid, I know for me, I was planning and that's actually how I ended up here. I was very close at new year. I guess what stopped me was 1) leaving my dog without someone to look after her. 2) leaving a mess for others to clean up and deal with. I worked ER for 20yrs and saw the results of attempts some successful some not, I also saw the results of family and friends of the victim. Now I understand both sides of the coin. I know the dark place the mind can take one to and the desperation to escape and also the anguish of the family. 3) I'm not religious but I do believe in afterlife from extensive research, this scared me cause, I believed I wouldn't really escape peacefully into oblivion but may have to face the same circumstances some where else. Bottom line, I'm glad I found this forum and the people here, things are still rough at times, but knowing I'm not alone makes it easier to cope with. Take care my friend.