Spontaneous suicide

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheLoneWolf, Jul 11, 2012.

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  1. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Do you ever feel like you're capable of spontaneous suicide?

    I know a lot of us are suicidal in general, but most of us have tried to resist such tendencies for one reason or another. Lately I don't feel a strong urge to die... I actually want to improve my life. Yet, there are times when I get in a certain mood, seemingly for no reason, and I find myself wanting to commit suicide quite suddenly... I'll be fine one minute, concerned with worldly matters, then the next minute I'm thinking "fuck it, I'm tired of everything, I should just kill myself"... completely out of the blue. Usually when I'm considering suicide, it's something that I've put a lot of thought and planning into... these random urges are what scare me. I don't even know what triggers them... but I'm afraid that one of these days, I just might act on one of those random urges. I don't really want to... I'm not ready to die yet. But I fear my own mental and emotional instability and unpredictability... I might some day commit suicide without really meaning to.

    Does anyone else suffer these random urges?
  2. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    I also have this horrible thoughts about suicide. Not all the time. But when I'm driving I often think about just ending it, or I look for an abandone road where I can do my thing. This thoughts are very hard to deal with. When they come I start to cry and I'm afraid of my selves. I'm not sure what will happened in 1 week, one month one year.

    But some place inside of me also have this urge to live. So there is to strong forces fighting each other every day. That ruins my inner me. My personality. I used to be a happy guy. Now I'm just a bleak shadow.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2012
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    It's those random thoughts that bother me. There have been several times in my life when I truly wanted to die and was actively planning my own suicide. Right now I don't want to die... I'm not suicidal at this moment. Yet I know that at any given moment, I could suddenly change my mind for no reason and just do it anyway. It doesn't seem right that a single mood swing could undo all of my efforts to survive. I don't think I was ever really a happy guy... maybe as a child, though I can't remember for sure. But I want to live because I want to be a happy guy some day. I try to stay hopeful, but then I get struck out of the blue by a sudden weight of exhaustion, futility and hopelessness, and I find myself just wanting to give up. I have so much to live for - well, okay, not exactly - what I mean is, I have so much potential... it's possible to turn my life around, and I want to, but there are times when I suddenly feel like it's not worth the effort. Even though I want nothing more than happiness, it would be so much easier just to die. Life is hard and the rewards aren't guaranteed. Death is easy, and ultimately inevitable. I could just skip all this hardship and go straight to death. It's a matter of convenience, really.
  4. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    yes, right now.
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Don't do it! Remember, it's just an urge and it will pass. I always try to remind myself of that.
  6. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Yeah. It terrifies me. I made a rule for safety. Spontaneous action not allowed. 48 hour waiting period mandatory. That forces me to give myself time to calm down. If I feel like this when I am driving, I will immediately pull over to the side of the road.

    Fear about this is one of the primary reasons I finally went to a doctor for help.
  7. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I try to tell myself not to take any rash actions. It probably doesn't help that I have <self edit, methods> easily available to me at any given time. Literally, I could kill myself within 5 seconds from where I'm sitting right now. 5 seconds stand between me and death. I don't want to go to a doctor, though... I just want these urges to go away.
  8. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    Suicide it seems functions like addiction, it seems as if your suicidal for a long enough time period you'll have withdrawls when you start to try to pick yourself back up. It would almost make sense seeing as the very thought of suicide means you don't have to think about any of the pain and worldly matters, which would make it a sort of a stress relief in a way would it not? Just theorizing here, I could be wrong.
  9. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    I totally understand what u mean about random urges. I have this each and every day. I dont remember a day where I dont go from feeling ok one minute to totally flicking to suicidal thoughts the next. Like you said... I have had periods where I have planned and thought it through and wanted to die. I don't think things in my life on a daily basis are bad enough to warrant suicide right now (and probably ever) but it is surprisingly scary how fast these thoughts come on. I worry too that I will just snap and act on impulse. I have to make a conscious decision to oppose these feelings but the faster they come on the harder that becomes. I actually just thought it was normal to have these thoughts every day??
  10. MrsStavrogin

    MrsStavrogin Active Member

    Yes. But I agree with Syn. Suicidal ideation is like an addiction. I imagine that these random thoughts of yours will go away in time, or at least become less frequent.
    I'm having one of these episodes right now, actually. I was fine for a couple of days, but today I feel like I don't want to do anything except bash my head in with a hammer.
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hmm... you may be onto something there. I do associate the idea of suicide with relief from negative feelings, so it does make sense that any time I'm stressed out, my mind would immediately jump to thoughts of suicide to cope.

    Well at least I'm not alone, then. No, I don't think it's normal... well, maybe it's normal for depressed people, but I don't think suicide is something that most "normal" happy people think about often, if ever. Don't worry, though, at least we're all abnormal together here. :smile:

    Well here's the thing... in my teen years, I was extremely suicidal... almost constantly so. If I had the means to easily take my own life then, I would have. As I got older, those thoughts started to fade, but then they came back again with a vengeance somewhere around my 30th birthday. Probably something to do with hitting that landmark in life and realizing all the things that I've missed out on and that my life wasn't working out how I wanted it to, the fear of growing old without ever enjoying life, etc. I found myself feeling very suicidal again, and it just seemed to get worse and worse, reaching something of a pinnacle this year to the point that I was in fact actively planning my suicide. Fortunately, with the help of some good friends here, I managed to snap out of it and decided to give life a chance. Unfortunately, I still have random urges that seem to come on quite suddenly, and it doesn't take much to bring on these urges. I worry that I could end up doing it just because I had a particularly stressful day, or something trivial like that, which would undo all of my newfound hopes of finding happiness. And that would be really stupid of me, after all the shit I've already been through, to just throw it all away because I had a bad day... bad days happen to everyone, they're a part of life, and certainly not a good reason to commit suicide.
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