Spouse committed suicide and I want to join him

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by overthetop, Jun 11, 2015.

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  1. overthetop

    overthetop New Member

    I'm tired of living life without my husband. He <Mod Edit:Methods> last year and since then I cant seem to find any purpose in anything I do anymore. He comes to me in dreams asking me to join him and more and more I want to. I keep praying that God will take me - the sooner the better. I bought a motorcycle because it offers a potential opportunity but I'm afraid of taking the risk that an accident wont actually kill me and would instead leave me disabled in this horrible world. I have a couple more options in mind that might be more certain but thought i'd take a last-ditch approach by joining this group for advice. Please don't tell me to go to a therapist or call a hotline. For one, my health insurance has an unaffordable deductible and I have PTSD about the health profession that provokes panic attacks just by pulling into the parking lot of a clinic or hospital - let alone entering its doors. thus, the reason I joined this forum instead. All I see ahead in life is more pain, suffering and loss as I grow older. There is only one antidote to getting older . . .
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss, your pain seems very understandable, it might help you to know that people here have gone through this and that you aren't alone. I cannot even begin to imagine the depressive and suicidal thoughts but I beg you to please seek professional help, I understand that you are scared to but you have to see someone because this depression even as bad as it is, is treatable and you do not deserve to be suffering this way, life sometimes is so cold and cruel. I hope you find this community support and helpful in your recovery.
     
  3. Mclaine18

    Mclaine18 Member

    Wow...you must be American...hence the health insurance issues.
    You do not need to join your spouse..
    Why did he kill himself if I may ask...I mean what was going on for him ?
    How old are you ?
    Do you have any family ?
     
  4. Mclaine18

    Mclaine18 Member

    Its Just...Well.. my spouse is not well and I am very worried...
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hi over, it is understandable how you are feeling.

    Keep talking, we are here to listen, do you have a support system at home? Family or friends?
     
  6. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry for your loss...

    I agree alot with what Petal has said. It's very important that you can talk so you can let how you feel out.

    Please be kind to yourself, and keep talking. It helps to give you the chance to find peace with the past and carry on the best into your future.
     
  7. cherryblossomcat

    cherryblossomcat New Member

    Hii....I can understand how tough your situation is rite now but im sure the situation will get better soon. it mite take some time...but please be patient and pull urself out of this feeling of commiting suicide. people who love us mite leave us but that doesnt mean that our life ends there at that point. we have a life to live after that loss and im sure things will get better soon. dnt give up now. we are here to help you .
     
  8. okeydokey44

    okeydokey44 New Member

    You must feel very lost, you are here for a reason, maybe it is to help others who have lost there spouses to the same issue, who would be better to speak to than you a person who has experienced something like this first hand. Please keep yourself going, life is very short and you are a big part of this world, sometimes we feel so small and alone however we are not. I read your post and I don't know you, but I am sending you positive thoughts. I have dealt with some depression/suicidal feelings myself and I have walked a dark road but I see things now differently, please keep your chin up and see all the beautiful things out there ,
     
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