This past week was my Spring Break ... not at all like I planned.
I talked to my parents about things more than I ever have in my entire life, and I still haven't told them some things because I don't want them to hear. My dad knows I self harm, while we aren't going to let my mom know because it would break her. I've been to a few doctors, the most recent on my birthday (lame) and he took my blood and asked me some questions. He was really nice and very caring and he thought it was weird that I started laughing when he pulled out a needle from his needle drawer and said, "Okay, blood work time." It's just a nervous habit.
He also thought I said, 'sell farm' when I told him I 'self harm'. I wanted to tell him, "This isn't Facebook, n00b."
Anyway, my parents aren't letting me go back to school until the blood work comes in, and I'm hoping that if I have to take pills and just see a therapist downtown then they'll let me stay in school, but right now it isn't looking too promising.
I see a counselor every week (I'm supposed to see him tomorrow, but I can't), but the doctor I talked to on my birthday told me if I ever told the counselor some of the things I was telling him he would have no idea what to do with me, because I haven't told my counselor everything. Some of it I haven't told anyone, except for that doctor.
I'm also having friend troubles, and it's stressful and I just want things to go back to normal. We were so close up until two months ago, when I started to get a lot worse, because I have trust issues anyway, but they got so much worse, because it stems into this extreme paranoia and gets so fucked up and then I say stupid things or question different scenarios and she gets frustrated because we've been friends for a long time, and I still can't trust her on some days. I would explain it but I sound like a crazy person whenever I do.
My parents even talked about putting me away in a hospital somewhere, which is the last thing I want to do. I'm scared for what's going to happen from here. My perfect little world is falling apart, and when I need someone to be there I have no one.
I talked to my parents about things more than I ever have in my entire life, and I still haven't told them some things because I don't want them to hear. My dad knows I self harm, while we aren't going to let my mom know because it would break her. I've been to a few doctors, the most recent on my birthday (lame) and he took my blood and asked me some questions. He was really nice and very caring and he thought it was weird that I started laughing when he pulled out a needle from his needle drawer and said, "Okay, blood work time." It's just a nervous habit.
He also thought I said, 'sell farm' when I told him I 'self harm'. I wanted to tell him, "This isn't Facebook, n00b."
Anyway, my parents aren't letting me go back to school until the blood work comes in, and I'm hoping that if I have to take pills and just see a therapist downtown then they'll let me stay in school, but right now it isn't looking too promising.
I see a counselor every week (I'm supposed to see him tomorrow, but I can't), but the doctor I talked to on my birthday told me if I ever told the counselor some of the things I was telling him he would have no idea what to do with me, because I haven't told my counselor everything. Some of it I haven't told anyone, except for that doctor.
I'm also having friend troubles, and it's stressful and I just want things to go back to normal. We were so close up until two months ago, when I started to get a lot worse, because I have trust issues anyway, but they got so much worse, because it stems into this extreme paranoia and gets so fucked up and then I say stupid things or question different scenarios and she gets frustrated because we've been friends for a long time, and I still can't trust her on some days. I would explain it but I sound like a crazy person whenever I do.My parents even talked about putting me away in a hospital somewhere, which is the last thing I want to do.
I'm scared for what's going to happen from here. My perfect little world is falling apart, and when I need someone to be there I have no one.