Just as I thought I was picking up all the broken pieces. I thought I could quit SH but that feels like it's gonna fail. I had a fucking breakdown several days ago, and my one friend who apparently is actually my fucking friend got me help when I felt like I was going to lose it. I went to psychological services on campus the next day and talked this crap out. Felt like there might be hope. What a fucking lie. After that night, my friend who actually gave a crap stopped talking to everybody. My other "friends" were acting all like: oh we don't know why she's acting like this! So I confronted her, asked her what's up, and all she'd say is that one of them said something that made her question wether she really wants to be a part of this friend group. I just now was helping one of these supposed fucking "friends" move some stuff and asked her who said what. Well, the night when I was having my fucking breakdown, when my actual only friend was there for me, we were all in my other "friends" room. Apparently, my other "friend" was annoyed that she couldn't come into her room because I had decided to have a fucking breakdown. So she looked at this other pussy of a "friend" and out of annoyance said in front of everyone: well aren't you glad u decided not to room with him? After she told me she said that, she immediately said that she said sorry a hundred times, but I think this shows a lot more of her character. I politely told her: fuck you. Now, it feels like I only have one real friend, and feel miserable again. It's great to see how I'm fucking treated. Fuck everybody. I'm sick of it all and I really just want to cut myself again (although I threw my knife away). Oh and on top of this latest fucking bombshell, I still have two fucking essays to write along with other work, and I've lost all motivation to do it all. So all I have to say is this: fuck me, fuck everybody and fuck the world. This just shows u that u can't fucking rely on anybody.