I'm completely fine. But i'm not. And I relax in the knowledge im fine only for the feelings of complete stupidity to come creeping up again. All day i'm confused about my head, I dont understand what is happening up there. I keep going back to earlier years to try and find out what causes this and its just too friggin complicated and i get so frustrated that i dont understand why im not fine. i feel like bashing my head against a wall. i ant my motivation back. i want zest. i need something and i have no idea what the hell it is and its tearing my mind apart and then when i yeard so bad it goes and im fine and i relax and it comes back and its making me go insane. im not sure if im just being a moaning idiot or if there really is something wrong. i dont understand why i write this now and i dont understand why i dont stop. i have loads of people who care about me but it doesnt stop me feeling useless. i just want to accomplish in life for a change. everyone has got so much more guts. they drive, they have jobs, they dont get scared to answer the phone. im being left behind while those people close to me live. ive not lived in such a long time. im not sure if im all me. is something missing. god i wish i knew what it was if anything.