Stairway to heaven

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by L108935, Oct 2, 2011.

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  1. L108935

    L108935 Well-Known Member

    It looks like one step to me. One step off the balcony from my room. And all would be ok. I am stupid, and I'm failing my engineering courses at college. I can't even get a psychiatrist for my attention problems.
    Everyone rejects me, and it's obvious I don't belong here.

    I don't know who I'm talking to right now. I don't care though. I just wish I wasn't such an invalid. I'm a stupid worthless reject, and I should die.

    I don't need life. There are millions and millions of people like me. I'm not special.

    I wonder where the future will take me. I wonder when everything will finally kill me.
    :biggrin:
     
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Well - I have a balcony also - but no parachute.

    Sure - the though occurs - all your problems 'solved' - but for others I guess there problems will just begin.

    Thinking about suicide - I'm not going to say its even wrong - I think that thinking about your own mortality is natural - wondering if you might be best speeding things up - its 'normal' for people to think that - I know! I delve into people's minds - in a nice manner. People with no depression sometimes wish they were dead - they get fed up, lonely, sick of failure - and suffering with bereavement and so on.

    As for engineering degree - you never failed it - you just have not succeeded yet! YET! Hey - maybe you were not ready - maybe thinking about suicide and the finer points of engineering scientific discoveries and innovations was biting off too much to chew.

    I'm 47 and only getting around to doing a degree.

    I also - just feel pi**** off right now at being poor also. It's a financially challenging time for me.

    But - I'm fu**** if I'm taking a 'stairway to heaven' right now.

    I know a man who fell from a great height - and by some fluke he survived, He said it was a miracle - but I did say that it was funny how God saved someone epically stupid enough to take drugs and imagine he could fly.

    Try from the ground up - much safer.

    As for who your talking to right now - I'm just a man but older than you so I know that there is always something that turns up - might take a while but got to be patient.

    Not worth focusing on any one thing! Job you lost - women you lost - money you aint got. Even if your life has been messed up - in ways that few of us can imagine - were there is life there is hope.

    As for being millions and millions like you - not really mate - DNA - fingerprints - iris scan - but mostly who you are - the thoughts you think - and the uniqueness of you.

    Don't let the world tell you that your a failure - but never tell it to yourself because its a lie - maybe a deliberate lie to make people feel 'powerless' and not important.

    Society itself will never be perfect - but there is no reason you cannot build a little world in which you feel safe and wanted.

    Thinking you can carry depression alone - well you can for a while - but how long is too long? Maybe count the days since you knew - and stayed quiet about it - I came up with 30 years.

    In the end - nobody is going to fight this without sharing it. That process differs for everyone but using the internet as part of that process makes sense.

    There are people who care out there - but sitting indoors thinking your the only one who is down - you miss opportunities.

    you end up bored - and I think that's deadly - for me at least to be bored for an extended period would be bad.

    So I try and keep busy and if I fail one test I'll take another. But I won't my degree - and to be honest just want it to frame it and put it on the wall.

    But its only a bit of paper - people sometimes assume people who have no degree are stupid which in itself is very stupid!

    I've met many people with degrees who were epically stupid and they had not an ounce of common sense - or an ounce of crack - so what use it that man.

    You tried crack for depression? Seriously? lol - if your really insane you will agree with no doubt - but I'm joking - crack is not the cure - well it will cure depression for 30 seconds at the cost of $20?

    Good luck mate.

    "Where's my nurse I need some healing
    I'm paralysed by this lack of feeling
    I can't even find anything worth stealing
    under 15 feet of pure white now.
    is there anyone left who does not know?
    were under 15 feet of pure white snow!"
     
  3. L108935

    L108935 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
     
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