Stalker

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lancashirelass, Dec 4, 2011.

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  1. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    it would appear i have a stalker not on this site but irl. It is really starting to scare me, it started with chatting on a site then on msn until i found out something a little weird about them. I blocked them off all my contacts lists but somehow they have managed to get in touch again and although i ignored them they still won't leave me alone. They live about an hour away from me and i found out today they had actually come to my town trying to find me to talk to me. That really shook me up when i found that out as now i don't feel safe going out in case they do it again. I feel like a prisoner in my own home again all because this person won't take the hint. I don't actually know their address all i have is the name they use on line. I feel like i used to for last 2 yrs i had just got my life back now it's being threatened again. I can't go through it again, i have managed to fob them off for a bit saying i need time to think but i really don't know what to do it is driving me more insane.
     
  2. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    have you gone to the local police station?
     
  3. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I went through this with a man I met on plentyoffish and had one date with, and it is very frightening, he even found out where I lived and was coming to my apartment shining his headlights in my windows.
    I don't know how the laws work in the UK, but here, when I called the police they said they couldn't do anything until he became physically aggressive; basically, he had to actually get out of the car and start banging on my door or windows, which would allow me to get a restraining order. Eventually he did just that and I called the police again, but because I was home alone when it happened and had no witnesses, and he was gone by the time the police arrived they weren't able to do anything at all other than send patrol cars through every couple of hours looking for his car.
    Eventually he was caught outside the home of one of the 3 of us he was stalking and was arrested and sent to a mental health facility on a long term basis, he actually believed we were his girlfriends.

    Don't be afraid to go out, just make sure you have someone with you when you do go out, he will be less likely to approach you if you have someone with you, and if he does approach you you will have a witness. Call the police now and file a report so they have on record that you are being stalked and always always always lock your doors when you are at home, even in the day time. Keep the local police station on speed dial, it's actually faster than 999 (that's the UK emergency number, correct?) and be sure to save any emails or instant messages he sends you, pass those on to the police when you file the report and hang on to any others he sends in the future.

    I wish you the best of luck and you are in my thoughts. Try hard not to worry, I know that's not as easy as it sounds, but worrying will only drive you mad.
     
  4. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    That's creepy.

    My advice would be to keep a video camera handy so that you can record what he's doing… it wouldn't hurt to have some evidence handy if you do need to contact the police.
     
  5. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and friendship, LL. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. Have you told him in no uncertain terms that you aren't interested? Maybe something along the lines of, "I really appreciate your past friendship, but your persistance has raised some red flags for me, so I need us both to move on now.". I know... probably sounds a little simplistic, but it's a good first step. Then I would probably change all of my usernames and do my best to erase any web presence that would give him the opportunity to get back in touch with you. It's a pain in the ass, but you'll probably feel much better after it. If possible, make your friends, neighbors and associates aware, so that they can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. And as far as personal security, until you are certain this guy is no longer a threat, here are a few suggestions...
    - Purchase a "personal alarm" and keep it with you: ( http://personalalarms.com/acatalog/Metallic_Mini_Minder_Key-ring_Alarm.html#a42)
    - Keep your doors and windows locked at all times and keep your cell phone handy.
    - Have a plan of action to stay in control in the unlikely event that this idiot shows up on your doorstep or confronts you in public.
    And make sure you keep a record of all activity, so that on the off chance that this does escalate, you can eventually obtain a restraining order.
    Sorry... I know I probably sound paranoid, but I had a couple of horrific experiences years ago that forced me to be hypervigilant.
    Hang in there, Sweetie, and feel free to message me anytime. ((hugs))
     
  6. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and friendship, LL. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. Have you told him in no uncertain terms that you aren't interested? Maybe something along the lines of, "I really appreciate your past friendship, but your persistance has raised some red flags for me, so I need us both to move on now.". I know... probably sounds a little simplistic, but it's a good first step. Then I would probably change all of my usernames and do my best to erase any web presence that would give him the opportunity to get back in touch with you. It's a pain in the ass, but you'll probably feel much better after it. If possible, make your friends, neighbors and associates aware if possible, so that they can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. And as far as personal security, until you are certain this guy is no longer a threat, here are a few suggestions...
    - Purchase a "personal alarm" and keep it with you: ( http://personalalarms.com/acatalog/Metallic_Mini_Minder_Key-ring_Alarm.html#a42)
    - Keep your doors and windows locked at all times and keep your cell phone handy.
    - Have a plan of action to stay in control in the unlikely event that this idiot shows up on your doorstep or confronts you in public.
    And make sure you keep a record of all activity, so that on the off chance that this does escalate, you can eventually obtain a restraining order.
    Sorry... I know I probably sound paranoid, but I had a couple of horrific experiences years ago that forced me to be hypervigilant.
    Hang in there, Sweetie, and feel free to message me anytime. ((hugs))
     
  7. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    Oops... pardon my double post. From what I've read, this seems to be a bug they are working on. :)
     
  8. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    creepy indeed.
    I suggest you contact the police and give them all of the information you know about your stalker/s. As much as possible always be accompanied by someone or never be alone on the streets or at home. Do you have security alarms in your house? You could also buy stun gun or pepper spray and keep it in your pocket.
     
  9. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    creepy indeed.
    I suggest you contact the police and give them all of the information you know about your stalker/s. As much as possible always be accompanied by someone or never be alone on the streets or at home. Do you have security alarms in your house? You could also buy stun gun or pepper spray and keep it in your pocket.
     
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