Living as best i can, nothing like the torments of hearing and seeing things (schizophrenia diagnosed) and people constantly complaining to me that i am not doing enough and curling into one self to hide from the torments and failing uni yet trying so dam hard to do climb that dam wall which seems nearly impossible. Yep i am on meds but they do nothing and asking the docs and psychiatrists to change them but falling on death hears, i feel death actually gets me. Going to the one place that i can finally meet death seems just so right . No one understands me and everything i hear from people they i take literally (diagnosed aspergers), I spend so much money on my obsessions that people think i am crazy and weird to add to that i time after time humiliate myself. The things i say even when not in direct reference to people they take a massive offensive to, there so dam judgement. Its a little wonder why i keep to antisocial self most of the time because when i do socialize it always in some big fiasco and people always say i am to antisocial. I have a massive problem with recreation use of drugs cause my obsessive self takes it way to far that inevitably goes beyond the the term recreational use (alcohol, weed, cigarettes, dxm, codeine, antihistamines, cocaine) I nearly killed myself once on them and i look back and think dam i could of done it so easily and killed myself. My friends don't really help at all all that they can do is talk constantly about anime, games and manga to the point it becomes boring and they are constantly smoking and asking me for drugs yet i dumbly bow down and say i can get them because they now i can get them easily and that if they ask enough i will get them some because they know that i can be easily talked into anything.