Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by silent_chaos, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I'm starting to forget the sound of her voice. I'm starting to forget the things we said to each other. I wish I could forget her face. The emptiness and sadness is still there. I'm still beating myself up. For not ending it sooner, when I started to feel something wasn't right. I cry every now and then but don't really know why. Am I crying cause she hurt me. Am I crying cause it was all just a game to her. I'm I crying cause I made a stupid decisions. Am I crying cause I'm mad. Am I crying cause I feel like I will never find true love and die alone. I don't want to die Alone. I put out an image of having self respect. Deep down that is far from the truth. Some days it doesn't even seem worth it to go on. I don't get it I should be thankful, I have all my basic needs in life. Water, food, shelter, transportation, damn near perfect health, family, friends. I don't need, want or ask for anything els in life. I don't want to die.But I feel llike I'm basically lying to the people I love saying I'm fine. I'm the only one in my family that suffers from mental illness beyond depression. I'm the only gay person in my family. They all except it. So what is with the self pity.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya, I am really glad to hear your family accept your sexuality, that must help a great deal. Sorry you are feeling so down just know I am always around if you need a chat :) Maybe tell the people you love how much you are suffering, if they accepted your sexuality they will most likely accept your mental illness. Remember that it might just be a chemical imbalance and that's why you need to keep seeking help. The longer you try to deal with this on your own the longer it is until you get better, I'm not saying you cannot do this alone I am just saying it might help to have some extra supports around you! I hope things improve for you soon. You sure deserve them to, you are going through a lot but you don't have to go through it alone! *hugs*