I'm starting to forget the sound of her voice. I'm starting to forget the things we said to each other. I wish I could forget her face. The emptiness and sadness is still there. I'm still beating myself up. For not ending it sooner, when I started to feel something wasn't right. I cry every now and then but don't really know why. Am I crying cause she hurt me. Am I crying cause it was all just a game to her. I'm I crying cause I made a stupid decisions. Am I crying cause I'm mad. Am I crying cause I feel like I will never find true love and die alone. I don't want to die Alone. I put out an image of having self respect. Deep down that is far from the truth. Some days it doesn't even seem worth it to go on. I don't get it I should be thankful, I have all my basic needs in life. Water, food, shelter, transportation, damn near perfect health, family, friends. I don't need, want or ask for anything els in life. I don't want to die.But I feel llike I'm basically lying to the people I love saying I'm fine. I'm the only one in my family that suffers from mental illness beyond depression. I'm the only gay person in my family. They all except it. So what is with the self pity.