Started again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SuicideSam, Jan 16, 2014.

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  1. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    I started cutting again after 8 years "clean" I feel like a failure for breaking my promise to myself not to do it ever again. I have to admit it felt really good much as it shames me to say so.
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member


    sam, i am sorry that you relapsed, but you can start trying to end it again if you want ... you already know you CAN...

    what triggered the relapse?
  3. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    All that stuff with my ex coming to my house and everything, it was just too much pressure and I couldn't handle it. I can end it but I had help the first time and it was really hard. I need to get full control of myself again. The first time I quit I was alot more stable than I am now. Currently I'm struggling not to harm myself so bad I end up in hospital
  4. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    Just got quite a shock. Got home from work and was changing out of my work clothes when I noticed my wounds. There are 18 cuts. I dont even remember cutting that much, thought I only cut a few times
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    are you dissociating?
  6. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    I think I am, I just never though of it as dissociation before. It always happens to me when I try to kill myself or am very close to it. Ive never had it this bad though. I could have sworn I made no more than 6 cuts. I hope it doesn't get worse, i have to pretend I'm normal all the time!
  7. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member


    Please try not to feel guilty - you're only human. And if you're feeling quite unstable at the mo, maybe you need to reach out for some therapy, get some help. xxxxx
  8. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    Thanks for the kind words Lizzieni :)
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You shouldn't be too hard on yourself, a lot of us relapse every now and then. I usually do something to distract myself from these thoughts and feelings...I'm not sure if you do, but maybe you can find something that works for you.
  10. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    It just feels like such a waste going so long without and then doing it again. I have coping methods but they don't help very much anymore. I've just gotta keep myself distracted I guess
  11. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    If you are depressed you should seek help, killing yourself is not the answer.
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