started again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by corang, Mar 2, 2009.

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  1. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    I probably went 2 or 3 months without cutting and then last week i started again cause i was really depressed and barely survived. Well i tore my thigh up with the razors i stupidly kept instead of breaking and getting rid of ... and for no reason i went from my thigh to my arm and chest now i need to wear my long sleeve shirts everywhere. I hate myself (more than usual) for starting again :sad:
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry things got so bad that you have started harming again. However, don't knock the achievement that you went 2 or 3 months without cutting.

    It does sound though like you haven't actually healed the pain that causes you to self harm, and you also haven't yet learnt more positive coping strategies. That's ok, it does take time, but it is possible, if you want to.

    Are you looking after your wounds? Have you got any professional support to help you cope with the depression and any other issues that you have that you feel you need to deal with? If you don't want to self harm then maybe look at more positive things you could do instead of self harming. What is it self harming gives you?
     
  3. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    I started last year when i was depressed because i knew that pain caused the chemical releases for euphoria and it helped for a while till i realized i was addicted. Ive been looking after them pretty well i have yet to get any infections since i started. Last week was pretty bad and my gf talked me into seeing my psychiatrist and now i started new antidepressants but that might take a while before i see their full effects and im just hoping when i do see the full effect ill be able to stop again.
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's really good you have some professional support. The anti-deps can take a while to work, but hopefully they will. Make sure you keep being honest with the psych so that he can work out what you best need. Have you got anyone to help you with the emotional side? Like a therapist or anyone like that?
     
  5. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    not really ive been trying to avoid therapy since the last therapist i saw spent the entire time pretty much telling me what i knew (i was disassociating, didnt want to be there, wasnt talking much to her about my problems, and kept telling me my life was going to suck if i kept going on the way i was but never seemed to even suggest something to change my life.) So she was a waste of time and money (which is kinda short for my family and i hate making my parents waste money on me). if i can find a therapist that helps ill see them but i havent been looking since my last therapist switched to marriage counceling.
     
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can see why that would put you off of therapy :| I too had a bad therapy experience and didn't consider going back into therapy until two and a half years later when I was so desperate I felt I had nothing to lose.

    Maybe it might be worth looking for a therapist but not making any sort of commitment? Or maybe looking for something like support groups? those are often free, and they can also help you with your emotional needs and issues too.
     
  7. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    alright cant hurt to look around for a support group and therapy is atleast a last option. Thanks for the support :) last people that i told abandonned me and i couldnt really think of anything (besides therapy that failed) so that wasnt exactly the kind of thing that helps me feel better.
     
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    No :( When things like that happen it makes everything so much harder when it was already hard to start with. Hopefully you'll find people here won't get scared when you talk about self harm or any of the other issues you struggle with. Maybe building up some confidence on here might encourage you to seek further help because not everyone will be useless when you open up to them, and not all therapists will be so judgemental (I can vouch for that because my current therapist is VERY non judgemental-but it did take me a while to find her, but that does show they are out there, it's just a case of finding the right one for you.).

    I hope posting has helped you in some way.

    x
     
  9. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    it really did help a lot just knowing theres a place where i can be me instead of who i pretend to be makes me feel a lot better and a lot less alone.
     
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's really, really good :) Sometimes that can just be enough in a moment of crisis.
     
  11. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    so true so glad i finally found a place where people understand what im going through :) my familys supportive of me but they dont understand (but they try)
     
  12. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    SF is good for things like that. Terrible for making pies though...so it evens out :)

    j.
     
  13. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    well i got triggered major this time and now i went from having a totally clean arm to my whole inner forearm being literally covered in cuts most are probably gunna leave scars ... idk if i even care anymore im kind of hoping i cut too deep
     
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