Starting to break down please help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by himeji, Jul 3, 2014.

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  1. himeji

    himeji New Member

    This is a cry for help Id appreciate anyone reading my story and giving anything they can offer.

    I am a 24 year old guy from the UK. I have always been overly sensitive, I had a 4 year long relationship when i was younger that finished when i was 22, I only recently got over that, there was a time back then when i wasn't eating, felt suicidal and lost interest in life, time healed though and i worked on a cruise ship and saw the world and I got better.

    And then....

    I quit my job in april to go travelling and working in Japan for a few months. In this time I made lots of friends and met a girl who i fell for. we are both really in love, we had the best time together took the best pictures and made lots of memories, i felt on top of the world being in Japan showing our pictures on Facebook to friends and family back home. The day i went home we both broke down in tears at the station, the pain of leaving was unreal i was numb the entire trip home.

    I got home 3 days ago, when i got home i felt guilty because my family were so happy to have me home and my friends can't wait to see me tomorrow but i find myself in a dark place right now. Me and the girl are in a long distance relationship, we Skype, we cry, i have her smell and her gifts all around me. I put on a mask to her and pretend I'm confident but deep down I'm in a really bad state of depression, this is like my ex girlfriend all over again but this time i can't deal with it. I have no job so I'm bored alone all day, I'm thinking about her worrying she will leave me, I'm thinking about money worrying i will run out, and I've now finally started to think about suicide.

    The only reason i haven't is because go guilt, i feel guilty that if i took my own life and ended the pain then my family and friends would have to deal with it.

    I just wanted a normal life.

    I have thought about calling the doctor for depression or maybe just running away abroad again, my mind is all over the place and I'm lost
    I hope that made sense, thank you for reading.

  2. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    Hi Mike

    Sorry to hear you are feeling so down

    I think your best option is to see your doctor and tell him/her exactly how you feel

    A course of anti-depressants or talking therapy would almost certainly help you feel better

    I am currently taking anti-depressants and seeing a psychologist and this is helping me a lot
    so I would recommend it

    If you need to talk you can pm me

  3. Ljt

    Ljt Well-Known Member

    Hi mike. I agree I would go to your gp even if it's just to talk to them and get advice.

    Also regarding the girl you met. If you are in love and she is in love with you then don't let anything get in the way of that. If you can and wanted to I would be straight back over there to her. What have you to lose. Life is about living and you should take any good opertunity that you can. It may not be financially available to you but if you want to go and be with her don't let anything get in your way.

    Good luck mate.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Mike, seeing someone about your depression and suicidal thoughts is a great idea, depression really clouds the mind and can be treated. Maybe going away again could help you, I'm unsure, I would most definitely agree with talking to your doctor :)
  5. jamie7718

    jamie7718 Member

    im going to the doctors on monday mate, if i can do it you can, i have no idea what they are going to say. but anythings has got to be better than the hell im in right now, its so sunny outside but all i cant even get out of bed
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Jamie, be as honest as you can be with your doctor as you can, don't hold back, that way they can treat you of luck and well done for building up the courage and I'm sorry you are going through hell :(
  7. late

    late Member

    Are there avenues for her to travel to the uk? Can you return to japan? Can you attend school near each other?

    If nothing else you have Skype and yiu dont need to wait weeks for a letter. Appreciate the tools and time you're in and remember that sinc3 you're talking to her, you're not alone.
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