Starting To Do Silly Things Again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Nov 8, 2010.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I don't think I want to die. I just don't want to continue to feel like this. I don't want to live feeling like this. On Saturday I inserted a needle in to my arm. All the way in. Tried to get a vein but think cos I had been drinking they decided to go play hide and seek.

    So now I have this needle in my arm. There is no open wound. It does hurt a little but it is getting more bearable. I am thinking as it is getting more bearable that it will be ok. I really don't want to go to A+E, especially after what it was like on Friday there. And where it is it's a bit hard to say it was an accident. The only way of saying that would be to say I slipped off something and in the process stabbed myself. But it wouldn't explain it really and any Doc worth their salt as soon as they saw an x-ray or what ever would know. At the time I was hoping it would move around in me and cause some damage but I know that wont work as it's not moved anywhere.

    I don't know what will happen. I don't know if they would remove it or if they would leave it there. It's near veins so can't see them just cutting there to get it out. I think they would just leave it but I am not sure. I am not going to go to my GP and not going to A+E as not really an emergency. I think I am going to give it a couple of weeks and see how it is then. Then maybe if still hurts go to the GP and they can book me in for x-ray and refer me somewhere.

    I am getting worried now. I am getting worse and worse and having more and more thoughts about suicide. I feel like I can't go on like this for much longer. I have still not heard from that group I was refered to. I thought maybe I would feel better once I finished my assignment as was stressing me out but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do really???!!!
  2. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    I am going to be random here ok! Have you ever seen a movie called "A Night at the Roxbury" ? Silly funny comedy with a groovy 90s soundtrack! :) You need to smile and stop stressing or you will continue to live in the dark place you are in. I hope i helped!
  3. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    First may i say ouch. Yes you definitely need to go and get that removed if you can't do it yourself. It will give you an infection and is just going to make things worse. Maybe them finding out you are harming yourself would do you some good if it means they can then offer you some extra support. If they question you about self harm or suicide please be honest and accept their help, as you said you are getting worse. If they don't ask think about booking a appointment with your doctor.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm sorry things are getting worse. what would you say to a client who is suffering the same way you are suffering right now?
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I am going to a counselling appointment tomorrow through uni as decided enough was enough and so I have the initial appointment tomorrow. I can't see it being any good as think I need more than counselling as not even sure what it is I need to be counselled about. So don't think it will help.

    I know what I would say to someone in my position about not making rash decisions etc and that it will end eventually. But, it's one thing being able to tell other people what to do and how to do it but it's another thing being able to do it yourself.

    I am contemplating going back to work. I don't know if that will make it worse though. I am ok for money at the moment but I know I won't be come Christmas, especially if I want any kind of social life. But I don't know if I can handle it. Last time I was bad mentally and I went in I was having all these paranoid thoughts and delusions and I don't know if I can deal with that at the moment. But on the other hand it may be a good thing. Eeek. Don't know what to do!
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    can you go back to work a few hours a week? it might help to have the structure of the workplace for you, i know it helps me. but not too many hours.
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    That is what I was thinking. I wasn't signed off or anything as I am agency and I have been really busy with uni stuff. I will see what shifts are available and when as depends on the ward etc that I am on.
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