So I was doing really good for a long time... Tomorrow (May 1st) I will be celebrating 3 months clean and sober. But recently as in the last few days or so I have started to have lots of really intrusive self-harming/suicidal thoughts and urges and I dont know what to do about them. I cant or dont know how to keep them away... They seem pervasive in that they are in my head most of the day but it usually gets a bit worse at night time when I am alone with my thoughts. Last night was really bad. I usually try not to call the crisis line as they usually end up sending the police on me but I ended up calling the crisis line. Thankfully, I guess, they were busy and so no one picked up the phone. I got a recording that said I could leave a message. I texted a friend instead and he came over and we went for a walk and smoke at 1AM. He made me feel better for a while but my thoughts still seem to be heavily focused on suicide. I had a bottle of prescription tablets that I could have used to harm myself with but smartly when I started to feel low last week I gave them to the aforementioned friend to hang on too. Luckily as I think I would have used them last night. Help!