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Starting to Feel Down Again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amanda, Apr 30, 2015.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    So I was doing really good for a long time... Tomorrow (May 1st) I will be celebrating 3 months clean and sober. But recently as in the last few days or so I have started to have lots of really intrusive self-harming/suicidal thoughts and urges and I dont know what to do about them. I cant or dont know how to keep them away... They seem pervasive in that they are in my head most of the day but it usually gets a bit worse at night time when I am alone with my thoughts.

    Last night was really bad. I usually try not to call the crisis line as they usually end up sending the police on me but I ended up calling the crisis line. Thankfully, I guess, they were busy and so no one picked up the phone. I got a recording that said I could leave a message. I texted a friend instead and he came over and we went for a walk and smoke at 1AM. He made me feel better for a while but my thoughts still seem to be heavily focused on suicide.

    I had a bottle of prescription tablets that I could have used to harm myself with but smartly when I started to feel low last week I gave them to the aforementioned friend to hang on too. Luckily as I think I would have used them last night.

  2. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Yeah Im actually rather proud of myself that I was able to work through things myself and with the help of a friend last night rather than what usually happens and wind up getting taken to the hospital by the police.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    3 whole months! 90 days! You go girl! Told you that you could do this, thanks for coming back and showing us that you did, I am sure it gives hope to others suffering with an addiction. Sorry I couldn't talk last night but I have missed you and wondered where you were gone to! So happy to see you back hun.

    Sorry about the suicidal thoughts, they can be so very distressing, good luck to you :hug:
  4. Corey1221

    Corey1221 Active Member

    I was going through life better from the first of the year up to the past two weeks fine too. Perhaps it's your mind thinking new year, new relief. Now you're getting into the mid-point of the years realizing life isn't going to be that easy. I think you're feeling that way, to be honest, too. Everyone here is holding on, waiting for things to get better. I know if you hold on too, you'll get better. That's why we're here, to help each other.
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