Im 31 year's old and have suffered from depression since I was 13. I recently have been feeling really bad suicidal. I cone from a loving family I had a happy childhood and I did well at school but depression and anxiety has always plagued my life. I recently began having vivid flash backs of my childhood. I used to pretend play to have sex with my best friend. I was only about 7 I didn't know whst I was doing. I can remember leaving school to run and find my mum because I was so anxious. I remember gavibg cbt therapy at 13. I think I am remember ing my older brother sexually abusing me. I hsve flash backs. Im so confused ad we have a good relationship as adults. I have always been over sexual in my relationship s. I am not sure wgst to do or even if I was abused but I seem to be remembering. I am so upset and its making my depression unbearable. I havr been off work since Friday. I can't get out of bed. Im not eating much. I live with my parents and I pretend im ok but I sm becoming withdrawn. I feel horrible. Frightened and badly suicidal. I am on antidepressants gave been for many years. J am so scared I ferl alone and ashamed and I cant tell a single soul.