starting to remember

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lulumoon, Sep 19, 2013.

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  1. lulumoon

    lulumoon Active Member

    Im 31 year's old and have suffered from depression since I was 13. I recently have been feeling really bad suicidal. I cone from a loving family I had a happy childhood and I did well at school but depression and anxiety has always plagued my life. I recently began having vivid flash backs of my childhood. I used to pretend play to have sex with my best friend. I was only about 7 I didn't know whst I was doing. I can remember leaving school to run and find my mum because I was so anxious. I remember gavibg cbt therapy at 13. I think I am remember ing my older brother sexually abusing me. I hsve flash backs. Im so confused ad we have a good relationship as adults. I have always been over sexual in my relationship s. I am not sure wgst to do or even if I was abused but I seem to be remembering. I am so upset and its making my depression unbearable. I havr been off work since Friday. I can't get out of bed. Im not eating much. I live with my parents and I pretend im ok but I sm becoming withdrawn. I feel horrible. Frightened and badly suicidal. I am on antidepressants gave been for many years. J am so scared I ferl alone and ashamed and I cant tell a single soul.
     
  2. Beautiful Hope

    Beautiful Hope Active Member

    I don't know if you're starting to remember things or it's your mind playing tricks on you. My recommendation would be to see a professional about your "flashes" & see if they can help you determine if it was real. But don't feel ashamed. If it did happen, you have no reason to feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. If it didn't happen, you still have no reason to feel ashamed. You still did nothing wrong. We can't help the thoughts & images that come into our minds. You're in the right place. I'm new here but I've already felt a lot better since I've been here. The people here understand what you're going through & are very helpful.:hug:
     
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