Starting to see a pattern here..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Daijou, Oct 13, 2010.

  1. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    That every time I start to get happy and think I'll be fine, life has a way of throwing shit at me.
    Obviously I'm just not allowed to be happy and stay there.
    I'm getting really fucking sick of all of this..
  2. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    has something happened to make you feel like this ?

    sometimes im scared to be happy because i think that it wont last and something bad will happen. its a dangerous way of thinking, we dont want to miss out on the good, i know that sometimes its hard though...
  3. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    Yeah.. I woke up today at the sound of my cat screaming in pain, lying on his side on the floor, panting like a dog..
    He'd been fine up until now, aside from a food allergy, but he had special food for that.
    I go to bed last night, and he's running around doing his late night mischief as usual, nothing wrong.
    Then I wake up and he's dying..
    I took him to an emergency vet two hours ago at four in the morning, and they examined him..
    Turns out he had a heart disease that caused his blood to clot in all of his legs and there was no chance he would survive..
    I spent my morning putting my cat down.. I loved him so much :cry:

    This happens every year during the holiday season, something always dies or leaves me.
    Last month my uncle died of unknown causes. He had been in the hospital comatose for months, so we knew it was coming.
    Last year was one of our other cats that was pretty much glued to me wherever I went.
    The year before that was my grandma's boyfriend (the closest thing I've ever had to a grandpa in my life).
    The one previous to that was my golden retriever who was diagnosed with cancer.
    Then on christmas morning, a year before my dog died, my bird dropped dead and died of a stroke. Merry fucking christmas to me.
    Every year is like this. Honestly, I should just expect these things by now, but somehow I don't.
    I'm getting so sick of it.. it'd be better off if I stayed distant from everything and never got attached, at least then there'd be less pain.

    I do want happiness. I'm just tired of these things happening every time I think I'm fine and nothing's wrong.