My thoughts towards suicide are not constant, I go through periods of days when I don't think about it at all. Lately though I feel so, have no idea which word fits, sad, useless, miserable, lonely, no word fits how I feel. Everyone has seemed to have gone, not literally, I still talk to them occasionally but they don't seem to be here. Everyone has gone and gotten a new life suddenly, a life which has little or no room for me. My family has separated into separate lives, none of which have room for me. And my one real friend is impossible to get through too. She’s still there of course but the unanswered phone and promises to call me back which never happen. I am so low right now I just wish it would all end. I have nothing it feels like. I used to drink heavily and while I still on occasion slip up and drink a large amount my poor health has cut down on my drinking a lot. I miss it though, in a way drinking kept my thoughts jumbled so I couldn’t clearly think like this. I wish I could just end it all, I sometimes sit here sobbing begging myself to finish it.