Hi
I'm glad that you're able to tell your therapist so much, and really trust her.. but I'm sorry to hear that you crave this touch so much. I can relate to an extent although personally I am more likely to overeat than undereat, in a sort of comfort eating way. It helps me to feel 'full' although ultimately makes me feel worse about myself.
When i was in therapy some years ago (for 2 years) I too craved touch from my therapist but figured it would just never happen because that's not what they do. Until one day she offered me a hug, it was just amazing. Although to be honest our relationship went downhill from there, mainly because then every week I craved another hug, but it was a one off.. she never gave it again and i was so confused. I see now that I wish i had just talked about it with her.. told her how the hug felt (wonderful) and also how it felt to not get hugs in subsequent weeks (very awful).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes talking about these things can help.. i'm not saying that your therapist would touch you just because you ask for it.. but it's sometimes good to explore what it feels like.. why it's important for you.. whether you had touch in your childhood, etc. Maybe if she knew what it means to you when she touches your hand, she'd do it more? Or if you're anything like me, i feared that if I talked about my therapists hug, she'd never do it again! I don't think your therapist would get worried you'd want to go home with her or anything.. she's had training and hopefully understands that talking about things like this takes real courage, so I'd hope she wouldn't distance herself.. afterall that's the opposite of what you're wanting.
Anyway sorry this is a bit of a waffle but I read your message and really wanted to reply. Hope you're doing ok
Jenny x
