Starving for an answer!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Perishable, Dec 19, 2007.

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  1. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    I guess my twisted situation could have a worse effect on my persona.
    I cannot grasp the sanity I wish to obtain, Chiefly due to the fact that I constantly view myself as this flawfull being with no bliss occupying my future. How am I suppose to lead a life forward if I cannot foretell fortune, and only suffering on my days approaching.
    Yesterday, I finally bidded off the Health Clinic. I weigh 160 pounds and mainting my wieght is effortless. I finally got to see the doctor after awaiting in that god forbid waiting room. (Disasterous...with little fanatical children)
    The doctor's (Who I had met with once before)... main goal was getting me out of the way. So she could go home.
    This is what occured.

    "So, what's bothering you" the doctor said.

    I then explained that I had surgery the year before and have been having stomach problems ever since the surgery. That I eat extemely healthy, (I'm interested in being a nutritionist, so I mean fruits and vegetables 24/7) and that I had actually been practicing Veganism for about 8 months to be on the safe side, and eating organic/ non-chemical enhanced foods. She was a thin middle-aged blonde woman.

    "But you're overwieght?" She said

    My mom was sitting in the room with me and told her that I wasn't skinny, but I wasn't fat either. Nothing nicesarrily bulging out.

    "No, no... She is in the obese Category" she continued

    So basically my mom was telling her that my weight was not a factor, and the doctor has to go and contradict her statement by stating that I was obese and that it is a problem. The doctor made me stand up and take off my jacket and started to point out parts of my body that she said were "Fat".

    "Just look at her arms..." she said

    Now, I know I am overwieght and not ideal in the american eye. But I liked myself. Up until today. I didnt think I was obese? The doctor said I should atleast weigh 120.

    She made me sound flabby and loose.
    I can bench press about 100 pounds on a good day. I have muscle.
    I work out everyday. I used to way 220 pounds. I had surgery for intestinal problems... then after surgery I decided to eat healthy.
    From then, I went Aneroxic & bulimic and exercised everday, and rode my bike. I lost 80 pounds from that...that made me 140. Then I stopped for sanity reasons and I wanted to be normal and healthy. In addition my mother has been secluding me in my room. So I gained 20 pounds. some of the weight I gained is muscle. because when I was Pro-Ana I had not muscle due to my lack or protein/food intake.

    Also, I have been severly bloated...that adds 7 pounds! Sometimes i'm 167.

    I cant believe she told me I was fat and humilated me. I know im fat. It's just they way she did it. Exposing me, pointing out my flaws.

    I haven't eaten today. I might though because I dont want to drown into the pro-ana mentality.

    So now my weight is bothering me.
    I had just excepted myself as I was. I thought I was doing good and it all blew in my face.

    Not only that...but the doctors dont know what is wrong with me.
    They just start making up shit.
    "'s cause you're obese" is what she said.
    and another doctor gave me gas relieving pills when I told her that I knew that wasn't it.
    Another doctor told me I had an acid build up and I told him that I dont have heart burn or acid reflex.


    When I had been vegan for 9 months (now im not) which means I had no bad cholestrol at all. My blood was fine. Pissed in cups and everything. They are too fucking lazy to look into it. They think that I have some bland problem and I am overeacting...Like im a sensitive individual with a cold and cant cope with the symptoms.

    Whatever is wrong with me is getting worse.
    I know more of what is wrong with me than they do.
    I've researched and continued to. Cause I might just have to fix my fucking self!
    .... but I dont think I should.
    I'm thinking to just let it kill me. To let it fucking destroy me from the inside out.

    I might just starve myself to death.
    That is my plan.
  2. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    Hi, this makes me so mad to here this, you are not obese,just because you do not wear a size 1 does not mean that something is wrong with you, I have always been a little chunky and the girls in school used to make fun of me because I didnt wear a size 1 even if I starved myself I could never wear a size 1, a size 3, one time I wore a size 6 but I didnt look good, I looked kind of sick,your body may not be made to be superskinny, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Dont be disheartened ,people can just be mean, keep your chin up,and dont let meanies get to you :wink:
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I don't know what to say. Reading that makes me feel so angry at what's happened. I understand exactly where you're coming from, these doctors know absolutely nothing about health and weight and I'm so sorry to hear that triggered off an eating disorder.

    Those people are beyond words being so insensitive and clueless!

    You don't have to starve yourself to please anyone. Like you said you eat healthily and you exercise you have probably a tonne of muscle that I don't. Then again, you've developed an eating disorder now. Those doctors know absolutely nothing about health. You are a lot more intelligent than them. A person can be technically 'overweight' but can be far more healthy than a person who is normal weight.

    :laugh: They are stupid. You know what you are- just don't listen to them and argue your case and the minute they start pointing to your body tell them to shut up and that it's not theirs to comment on and that there is nothing wrong with you and there never was (until they started humiliating you and you developed anorexia). :hug: I'm sorry you've gone through all that- I'd be livid.
  4. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Thx for your responses.
    This whole 'run' with the medical authorities (Doctors, nurses, specialists...etc) has become an irratating matter and I have simply become fed up with it.

    Even though I agree with what you are saying...

    I still feel this deep desire to slaughter myself because of my flaws.
    Once I get myself to thinking, or even a snap at the cruel reality of 'how I can never be' I get suicidal to the max.
  5. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    thats fucking wrong. america is so damn corrupt. and if that's you in the avvie, you're goregous hun. :) and this is coming from a guy, too. don't feel bad about yourself, you got no reason to.
  6. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member


    But it still makes me feel horrible that I can't fit the standards of low-life expectation desiring americans.

    (im not putting down americans, just those who are expectation desiring and shallow. I'm american.)
  7. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Have you been tested for hypothyroidism? I gained approximately 100 lbs in under a year when my thyroid failed. 'Course I also had a bunch of other symptoms including decreased body temperature, skin that was permanently dry and thick and also bloating in my face.

    Most of the links you can google all say the same thing, so if you do decide to look into this I guess go with whichever one works for you. Also, the author Mary Shomon has written a very good book on the general condition. Unfortunately the diet book she wrote is absolutely awful.
  8. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I had a very similar situation last week when I was seeing a doctor- I'm not fat either, actually I consider myself to be in pretty good shape, eating well and running 5x a week, but the doctor said the way to start resolving my problems was to lose weight. It made me feel horrible. My heart sank and I almost teared up because I've been trying to keep up my excercise, and that I have recently lost sizes but not pounds. she said, "good, keep it up" but it was so insulting that she was just looking at the number on the page and not even having me stand up to look at my frame or anything. Just because I'm on the upper end of my weight range. They can be so heartless.
    especially when dealing with young women doctors should be WAY WAY more careful what they say. When you hear your doctor say youre fat it's impossible not to feel like what they say is true, after all they're a doctor

    The truth is that every year they come out with new studies of different conditions, diabetes, heart disease, and all kinds of shit that all shows improvement through weight loss. The 30% reduction in caloric intake in mice extending their lifespans and all that
    So right now it seems like everyone in the world could change their health for the better by losing weight.
    But it's not as easy for everyone, some people (like me) have metabolisms such that we are very efficient at storing calories but the famine never comes....its not as if everyone can just maintain a homeostatic weight of the current thin ideal presented by doctors.
    it makes me feel so sad that she pointed out "problem" areas on your body, she ought to be reported for that and forced to take classes on handling weight with sensitivity
    please don't feel bad or fat, I assure you that 160 is not obese in the sense of unnattractive or necessarily unhealthy, I know plenty of women that weight who look great and are seen everywhere as very pretty and live healthy lifestyles. believe me when I was 135 lbs on my tall frame, having been starving myself when i went crazy, I may have been within my ideal range as far as weight in pounds but nearly everyone I saw who knew me before said I looked like shit, that my cheeks were sunken in, like 'god, eat something." so doctors can't possibly look at your weight in pounds and call you obese when they have no idea how your body metabolizes or maintains its natural balance.
    forget it, if you're happy with your size don't look at the number on the scale, i stopped weighing myself on scales because i would obsess over it. if you're healthy and in shape then don't worry about the doctor, she's just riding the current wave that tells her every health problem can be alleviated by losing weight. what a heartless bitch.
  9. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    I so don't trust doctors. First they're like do this this and this, so you do them and then when you go back they ask you why you were doing those things and tell you that you should have been doing this thing, this thing, and this thing. You can't win with them.

    I've been going totally holistic, researching natural remedies and so forth. I've had horrible unending stomach pain for over a year that has just gotten worse. Some of the blood tests showed there was an enzyme that was high. When I went back for a follow up I got told the same thing. I ended up in the ER because of the pain and the doctor was like "your faking it you want the drugs nothing has shown up in tests''. Keep in mind this was the sister hospital that found the high enzyme. Also keep in mind they were basing it off of an ultrasound of my lower stomach----its my upper stomach that hurts!!! I'm no doctor or nurse or anything, but wouldn't one think to run tests on the area that's hurting???

    Ok, sorry enough about that. As for the doctor calling you "obese" ignore her. It sounds like your pretty active and exercise a good bit. Those weight categories aren't ment for people whoe work out and exercise regularly and have more muscel then the average person. Muscel weighs about 2 times as much as fat.

    Wasit size and wasit/hip ratio is actually a better measure for obisty and body fat. A wasit size of 35" or lower is healthy for a female and a wasit size of 40" or lower is healthy for a man. Waist/hip ratio (measurement of your waist divided by measurement of your hips) ideally is (I'm pretty sure) is 0.85 for a female and 0.95 for a male.
  10. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    I'm the exact same way, the reason I was in the doctors office was for pains I've been having in my stomach.
    I've been looking for natural ways as well. I bought a scientific book about nutrition for nursing practice. I'm hoping it will teach me something since it's a college grade book for people actually studing to be in the medical field.
    No, I haven't. How did that all go about?
    I'm okay with myself, theres just a complication with my fat metabolism.
    (I'm thinking from my studies) I had my gal bladder removed, which is for metabolizing fat. I had to have it removed or it would kill me. I should have let it kill me instead of having such major complications loosing weight...fat.
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