customarily, I guess my twisted situation could have a worse effect on my persona. I cannot grasp the sanity I wish to obtain, Chiefly due to the fact that I constantly view myself as this flawfull being with no bliss occupying my future. How am I suppose to lead a life forward if I cannot foretell fortune, and only suffering on my days approaching. Yesterday, I finally bidded off the Health Clinic. I weigh 160 pounds and mainting my wieght is effortless. I finally got to see the doctor after awaiting in that god forbid waiting room. (Disasterous...with little fanatical children) The doctor's (Who I had met with once before)... main goal was getting me out of the way. So she could go home. This is what occured. "So, what's bothering you" the doctor said. I then explained that I had surgery the year before and have been having stomach problems ever since the surgery. That I eat extemely healthy, (I'm interested in being a nutritionist, so I mean fruits and vegetables 24/7) and that I had actually been practicing Veganism for about 8 months to be on the safe side, and eating organic/ non-chemical enhanced foods. She was a thin middle-aged blonde woman. "But you're overwieght?" She said My mom was sitting in the room with me and told her that I wasn't skinny, but I wasn't fat either. Nothing nicesarrily bulging out. "No, no... She is in the obese Category" she continued So basically my mom was telling her that my weight was not a factor, and the doctor has to go and contradict her statement by stating that I was obese and that it is a problem. The doctor made me stand up and take off my jacket and started to point out parts of my body that she said were "Fat". "Just look at her arms..." she said Now, I know I am overwieght and not ideal in the american eye. But I liked myself. Up until today. I didnt think I was obese? The doctor said I should atleast weigh 120. She made me sound flabby and loose. I can bench press about 100 pounds on a good day. I have muscle. I work out everyday. I used to way 220 pounds. I had surgery for intestinal problems... then after surgery I decided to eat healthy. From then, I went Aneroxic & bulimic and exercised everday, and rode my bike. I lost 80 pounds from that...that made me 140. Then I stopped for sanity reasons and I wanted to be normal and healthy. In addition my mother has been secluding me in my room. So I gained 20 pounds. some of the weight I gained is muscle. because when I was Pro-Ana I had not muscle due to my lack or protein/food intake. Also, I have been severly bloated...that adds 7 pounds! Sometimes i'm 167. I cant believe she told me I was fat and humilated me. I know im fat. It's just they way she did it. Exposing me, pointing out my flaws. I haven't eaten today. I might though because I dont want to drown into the pro-ana mentality. So now my weight is bothering me. I had just excepted myself as I was. I thought I was doing good and it all blew in my face. Not only that...but the doctors dont know what is wrong with me. They just start making up shit. "Oh...it's cause you're obese" is what she said. and another doctor gave me gas relieving pills when I told her that I knew that wasn't it. Another doctor told me I had an acid build up and I told him that I dont have heart burn or acid reflex. I SWEAR JUST BECAUSE I DONT WIEGHT 120 THEY THINK I HAVE HIGH CHOLESTROL OR OBESE RELATED ISSUES!!!! When I had been vegan for 9 months (now im not) which means I had no bad cholestrol at all. My blood was fine. Pissed in cups and everything. They are too fucking lazy to look into it. They think that I have some bland problem and I am overeacting...Like im a sensitive individual with a cold and cant cope with the symptoms. FUCKERS! Whatever is wrong with me is getting worse. I know more of what is wrong with me than they do. I've researched and continued to. Cause I might just have to fix my fucking self! .... but I dont think I should. I'm thinking to just let it kill me. To let it fucking destroy me from the inside out. I might just starve myself to death. That is my plan.