Statement from me :)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Leiaha, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I have 3 'kids' aged 27, 19 and 17. I have been criticised and targeted here lately for being suicidal at times when I am a mother.
    In an ideal world this wouldn't matter because all Parents would be happy, healthy, nurturing souls. Unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world and people do get sick regardless of whether they have children or not. It is NOT a choice to be ill.

    My children know all about my illness. They also know I love them very, very much and in my right mind would NEVER do anything to hurt them in the slightest. They know they are not to blame in any way whatsoever for my illness OR my thoughts.

    Yes, I have attempted to kill myself several times. On each occasion I truly believed I was doing my kids a favour by dying and releasing them from the hell of having to live with the burden of all that is me. In my right mind I know this isn't necessarily how they feel about me and, I know they would rather have me here no matter what. I dont intentionally set out to hurt them and I am NOT in anyway a selfish person.

    My daughter just told me to add:-

    I am a GOOD mother.

    So, to the person who is saying these things........ BACK OFF! You dont know me and you dont know all the facts.

    Lea
     
  2. ame solitaire

    ame solitaire Well-Known Member

    You have my total support.Im also a mother!!
    Sadly being a mother(or father)dosent prevent you from being depressed or miserable.
    We are still individual people ,with life experiences/illnesses to deal with.
    The people criticising you are obviously not very mature/informed/sensitive!!:dry:
    Strength to you-and other parents here..x
     
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I have no idea who is saying these things to you but who ever it has obviously no understanding of the true impact of suicidal feelings.
    I too am a mother and I too have had my fair share of suicidal feelings and at the time truly believing that my kids 19 & 21 years now (15 & 17 when I was at my lowest) would be better off without me.
    Of course I realise that at that time I was not thinking rationally but that doesn't in anyway take away from the intensity of the feelings.
    Trust your daughter Leiaha, she knows you are a good mother, don't let anyone take that away from you.

    :hug: Hazel
     
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thankyou both for your support :hug:

    Lea :cheekkiss:
     
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry someone has decided to treat you this way lea.

    i have always thought you to be an open and honest person, caring yet realistic about your issues and how it affects you and your family.

    this was an unworthy attack hun.

    take care
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It is unfortunate that too many people dont REALLY understand mental health issues. I'm a single mom of four kids 17, 15, 13 and 3. Your post takes the words right out of my mouth. I know my kids all know I love them more than I love myself and they understand I have an illness and that the mental health issues take over and it's not the real me or mom they love and know. Some members have to understand that it is just as difficult being a parent as it is being a teen or a young adult or even a senior. Here's a real shocker........ parents really dont have all the answers and we never claimed to. So please cut us a little slack. We are trying the best we can just like the rest of the world. Lea if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bitch in mines here and waiting.
     
  7. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    :Hug: Leiaha

    Your children want you in their lives more than I think you realize. Parents play such an important in kids lives. The only advice that I can offer is to spend time with them and really get to know them. The worse thing in the world is to have parents who don't get involved and can't help their kids with problems that they can't solve on their own.

    Good luck!
     
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    Chronic Depression, Ennui, Major Depressive episodes, and bipolar disorder are all illnesses that do not , in any form, reflect how much a person cares about their children. Insinuating that the sole role of parent should give one utter strength and protection from the battle scars of living with a mental illness is like saying that one's education, one's work, or one's hobby should suffice as a fetish against the darkness.

    Big Hugs to all the parents out there. :grouphug:

    James.
     
  9. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Andy, Itmahanh and james thanks for replying and for your support, it is much appreciated :grouphug:

    8th wonder, thanks for replying also but, I think you misread my post. I understand and know my children very well, that is not the issue. We spend a LOT of time together despite the fact that 2 of them no longer live at home. They all come to me with their problems as do my nieces and nephews also and, I help them all. I am here for my children 24/7 and they KNOW this. They even tell me things I dont want to know :shy: More importantly they know they can come to me about anything and no matter how bad I feel, I will help if I can and I am always here for them. I would die for my kids and that is where the problems start, when I start to believe they would be better off without me :( Thankfully, for the most part I know this is not true. I hope this cleared up any confusion :hug:

    Lea x
     
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    lei

    :hug:

    Just because you are a mother etc. doesn't mean you can't have feelings of depression etc. Depression comes in all shapes, sizes and sexes. To whomever is making you not feel like it's okay, ignore it.

    Not that I'm in the same boat as you but it's somewhat similar. I have been raising my 8, soon to be 9 year old nephew for nearing 8 years. I would never change a moment of it even if I've lost out on alot of my life, but I don't like when people tell me well "what about him" or "think of him" because in my worse of times I am thinking about him.

    So no matter what hun what you're doing is commendable with your childrena nd I'm glad that htey know the problems you have because god forbid if anything ever did happen they arent left wondering wtf
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lea,
    I too am a parent and grandparent. I have always been told that I should think about them and what it would do to them if I commited. Well I had them here for four months when they moved back down. They now know that I have several problems and that I am suicidal. So I know longer let others dictate how I feel..If by chance I do go thru with it at least they now know how much I have been suffering...I love you as a friend and if I ever say anything like that feel free to smack me!!
     
  12. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    concerning the stupid person thats telling you all these horrible things you just should not believe them. they are not worth your time or energy. from what i know you are there for your kids for as much, if not more, than your mental health will allow you to be. i think it would affect your children even more not having their mother around and so you helping yourself is also you helping them

    your daughter to tell you to add that your a good mother to your original post... shes right. you should listen to her as shes been there and going through the times where she watches you try to cope. as far as i know you ARE a GREAT mother and you shouldnt let anyone tell you otherwise

    no one should be able to tell anyone how to raise their kids, whether it be to do with mental illness or not
     
  13. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    you're a genuinely really good person. my dad's had severe depression all his life, and me and my sister have always been assured either by him or my mum that it's not our fault, and that he loves us no matter what. sure, if you're depression meant you were neglectful of your children then that wouldn't be right but from what i can tell they are number one in your life, and you do your best for them despite having bad days. x
     
  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow you sure you arent raising my kids :laugh: To the tee hun. And it is being so sure that my kids understand my situation and that they know I care and will help when I can that helps to keep me around. But like you said, when the darkness crowds that all out and you start believing the others truths well.....

    Pat yourself on the back Lea job well done!!!!
     
  15. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks :shy: Itmahanh, I fully understand where you are coming from, anytime you need to talk, dont hesitate to pm me :hug:

    The same goes for the rest of you too :hug:

    It's when people say to me "dont kill yourself, think of your kids!" well, I'm not being funny but, when they say that, then I stop listening. As if its sheer impulse and i havent thought of little else for days :rolleyes: I mean c'mon, most people contemplating suicide feel enough guilt over what they are about to do so, why ladle on more and make the situation a whole lot worse?
    Usually when I get to the point of no return, I have usually made plans for my kids that at the time i feel are better for them than living with a mother like me! I tend to plan my attempts meticulously, Will, funeral plan, letters etc Even in my darkest times I am thinking of my kids lol.

    Anyway, just thought I'd add that lol. Thanks everyone who has replied :)

    Lea :grouphug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2009
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    I can understand how that'd be irritating and you'd stop listening. I heard that a lot from the MH workers in my psychiatric ward telling that to someone there.

    I bet you're doing the best you can, and your daughter said so too, she said you were wonderful. :hug: I can sense you're a wonderful person. Look after yourself.
     
  17. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Don't take any notice of that person saying this rubbish, been a mother doesn't exclude you from been suicidal. At the end of the day you love your children and they love you and listen to your daughter who says your a good mum. Your children are who matter not some idiot who thinks they have the right to judge you for been who you are just ignore that person. Take care hun :hug: