Stay, Please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Parker, Apr 22, 2007.

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  1. Parker

    Parker Member

    I was just reading around.. People they post today, tomorrow they can die.. Some really do. I am fed up. I’ll try to write the best I can, I’m feeling like shit but anyway.. Plus my English is not much original, it’s not my native, so.. Listen up.

    Back in time:
    Months passing by, I am first thinking of it, for the long time this is something. I am dreaming of salvation that will bring complete absence of everything when I’ll get dead. After a whole life - I finally feel the control over all the pain, love etc. I actually start feeling myself. This is like first seeing a woman. But hope hardly comes in this dirty place, so I still keep those nice thoughts to the left side. I am not hoping for theirs paradise, I just want to die. A huge dark feeling over my head, that kind of overwhelming emotions everywhere. Unique. (the thing I am talking about)

    Phase 2:
    The changes are fucked to happen. I am doing it.

    Phase 3:
    After doing it, I’m stopping, I’m delaying it.

    Today (over a year after):
    I don’t feel anything, no bad, also no good, just nothing. I’m numb! Empty. It’s not the way used before that I hate hell and love paradise, now I hate’em both. I am by myself. I am tired of all that bullshit, leave me alone. I don’t give a damn about. I’m on self-existence. And in the end, fuck myself in particular.

    Did I miss something? Phase 4. The reason of me trying to help you. It’s just a human nature I guess that people can’t always go on in the same mood. I realized I acted right. This wasn’t the exactly best time for me to die. Summer went on, sun, greens, I really relaxed for a while. I caught the feeling of life again. Good.

    By the time I was first planning, there was some extra will to do that, I mean something weird, not just I want to do this, but I So Much Want to do that, you know. Like a gift I waited for, you know.

    If the suicide brings you the power, don’t believe your feelings. Yes, I said, DON’T BELIEVE YOUR FEELINGS. THE ONLY THING SUICIDE CAN BRING – BRING NOTHING. It’s not a salvation, not the end of pain, not the hope, not even something – IT IS NOTHING.

    Believe me. One case is to imagine how it will be, another to actually feel it by yourself. These two are quite different. I already started to turn off, I was clearly conscious but my brains started turning off. I felt that darkness. That was enough.

    There is lonely. Dark. Black. Empty and cold. Nobody is there. You won’t hear anything because of the silence. There is death. The worst thing ever.

    Suicide is the liar bitch trying to take you out.

    I don’t like those stupid doctors talking something like they know, but maybe you will listen to me.

    No, I’m not having good times here, I am on the verge of my second attempt which won’t be just a try. I’d love to stay, but.. How do you think, from hundred suicides how many were not mistakes? No more than five or ten, I think. You can say, “I’m surely the one”. But what about others? They say the same. So who is right?

    C’mon, try to listen your favorite music, movies, simply eat something (chocolate rocks). This dumb nonsense works. Really!

    OK, you want to die? Go on. Exact said. Do it. Right now. I will even approve it maybe. Die. But after you do it don’t ever wonder why all is DEAD.
    Go, blow your fucking brains off. But after that don’t ever wonder why you are A DEAD CORPSE AND NOTHING ELSE. You deserve much more than this fucking world lets you. This motherfucking world tries to lie you up in your face, tries to kill you with those lies, so now is the right time to punch back.

    If I missed something, you know I have it in the mind.

    C’mon. Keep up. It’s worth.

    P.S. In case dark parts of this message seem to you more convincing than light or sound better, it has nothing to do with it because me myself I am dark.
     
  2. Cestmoi

    Cestmoi Well-Known Member

    Way to bash death there but you do realise we all end up dead anyway don't you ?

    Not to disapprove of your intentions, however I feel like you 're telling me to keep lingering any way possible (I 've been doing that for a year) instead of focusing on life itself and what is there to be achieved (not to say I have any clue, or I wouldn't be here).
     
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