Step down housing

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by total eclipse, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey my daughter who is 21 just called doctor wants her to go into a group home problem is this home consist of women that are stepping down from prison as well. I say no no way come home and get on with her life go to college stop the bs feeling sorry for herself and move on. I hate this all i willdo is worry im tired totired for this shit i need to just go away for awhile i guess i can't take all this stress.
     
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    My sister is currently a worker in a group home for teen girls-- and those places can be pretty rough... so I can see why you would be worried. You definitely have the right to be.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun we touched on this before. Yes you are her Mom. And yes you love her to no end. But she's 21. She's an adult. And she has to be held accountable for her actions and the consequences. You CANT be responsible for her for your entire lifetime. And you cant put all this guilt and blame on yourself for what is happening to her. You keep getting her help and treatment and she not you keeps refusing to use it to get better.

    Tough love. It's called that because it is soooo tough for the parent. But you need to let her see that she is her own worst enemy. Not you. Not the docs. Not the hospitals. So maybe this is what she needs. Maybe seeing that the places she has left for options arent so rose colored anymore. And maybe she will try and take advantage of the situation for what it is.

    And then maybe again she wont. But you cant keep trying to make her do what needs to be done. If she were an 8 or 9 year old CHILD then yes dear you would do all you have to. But that end of the responsibility is no longer yours to bear. It's hers. And it's time that you just love her and support her. But no longer is it your time to try and do it all.

    I know this post sounds so cold. But that is the reality of the situation. You need to be there for you. Because if you arent, you wont even be able to give her the love and support she'll need. Please let her stay there for a bit. Maybe a good bite of reality in her backside will get her to open her eyes. I can guarantee you one thing.... nobody there is going to put up with any nonsense. And it isnt going to be as pleasant as being home with you or even a hospital stay at that. She is going to have to be independent or atleast start to be from this point on if she stays there. Let her see that learn that.

    This might be the turning point, the push she needs to get her to see the real picture. Hun please as hard as it may be, stand back and see what steps she can take on her own. If she falls, you will be there to catch her like any parent would be. But if she doesnt then let her keep walking. This is really a good thing for both of you. Another chance for her to get some help and a really good chance for you to get some much needed rest and a break from all the "shit" that keeps pulling you down. And a chance for you to find the support you have been needing for you right now and not her. :arms:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i told you i wanted a brain like yours If she calls today i will tell her to try to listen to her doctor and go try because i know if she comes home i know the hell she will put me through so really what will be different Having her home and seeing the turmoil or having her away and worrying I am just tired and i know the best thing to do is let her go and pray she stays safe the thing is no phone calls no visitation for 3mths how the hell do i know what is going on but like you say she is an adult now i have to let go for her sanity i have to let her go. take care okay thanks again for all of your support everyone it is what it is
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sure that YOU can call there and talk to a supervisor or therapist or someone in charge when you need to for an "update". For your peace of mind. I really think that her having to really do this for herself, and yes that means no contact, will give her the chance to see how much YOU have been doing for her sake. Her safety and well being. I pray that if she does get this opportunity that it will not only help her personally but also make her see just how much you have and are doing for her hun. I just wish it wouldnt have to be so hard on you. You've taken more than your share of responsibility in getting her the help she needs. You know it isnt going to be easy. But it hasnt been yet so this will be just another bump on the road. You've made it thorugh so many others you can do this one too. You've got some great support here and she will have support there. So maybe this time will be the one!!!! :arms:
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey the thing is i can't call i am too afraid to call people stupid eh can't pick up the dam phone and call afraid of the responses i will get. oh it doesn't matter really life moves on pain no pain insane not insane i take each day by minutes now. just get me through next hour even. i worked tonight i was in so much physical pain popping all kinds of pills to get rid of it. not able to sleep then sleep all day i don't care anymore there is nothing to care abt sad really i truly wish everyone happiness and peace but i really don't care i don't feel anything i just exist now why can't she get well why
     
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