A few days ago, impulsively, I started down the path of the ending my life.
It really surprised me, as I never imagined doing so on a whim - I find the thought calming, and have a plan in place, always assumed that when I was ready, it would be a positive decision.
Anyway, I called a crisis line and this helped stop me, though I must admit, I was reeeeaaaaallllly tempted to follow through.
Now... I guess I'm here because I'm a bit shocked- I knew I was close to the edge, but never imagined that impulse would ever carry me over. It makes me frightened, but equally, it seems like something I can't talk about with anyone in my life, mostly because I want that choice available if I make that decision, but also because if I'm not serious, I don't want to burden anyone unnecessarily.
I'm about to finish therapy, so I KNOW that that isn't the answer, and equally, I've been told I'm one of those people for whom the meds don't work. So I guess any decision to stay has to totally come from inside, but after a yr in therapy trying to deal with hellish repressed memories I wish I'd never uncovered... I feel hollow, spent, exhausted, pointless, hopeless.
Thanks for listening- I just had to share what felt like a near miss, and this seems the one place to do so.
O.
It really surprised me, as I never imagined doing so on a whim - I find the thought calming, and have a plan in place, always assumed that when I was ready, it would be a positive decision.
Anyway, I called a crisis line and this helped stop me, though I must admit, I was reeeeaaaaallllly tempted to follow through.
Now... I guess I'm here because I'm a bit shocked- I knew I was close to the edge, but never imagined that impulse would ever carry me over. It makes me frightened, but equally, it seems like something I can't talk about with anyone in my life, mostly because I want that choice available if I make that decision, but also because if I'm not serious, I don't want to burden anyone unnecessarily.
I'm about to finish therapy, so I KNOW that that isn't the answer, and equally, I've been told I'm one of those people for whom the meds don't work. So I guess any decision to stay has to totally come from inside, but after a yr in therapy trying to deal with hellish repressed memories I wish I'd never uncovered... I feel hollow, spent, exhausted, pointless, hopeless.
Thanks for listening- I just had to share what felt like a near miss, and this seems the one place to do so.
O.
