Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by tappa, Feb 14, 2011.

  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    I was originally one of twins but my sister was stilborn.
    I am so depressed and suicidal and have bin for 4 years. My sister isnt any reason for that but i use her to get to me when im feeling down.

    She would of done so much better than me. Im nothing. Im pathetic. I'll never be as good as her. I know i cant garantee this but im here and she's not. I basically took her life. Im here instead of her. and look at me im a wreck. Im on the verge of suicide and i feel so guilty that i've ruined a life. mine. hers. watever .
    But if she were here. it could of been different. If she were here instead of me. Would of saved all this hurt.
    April 1st (no joke) is my 20th birthday, or as i see it the 20th anniversary of her death. hahaha. Cant handle this anymore.
    shes not the reason i feel this bad, but she gives me a date to be gone by atleast.
    im so alone
  2. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I had answers for you. April 1st is your birthday, and the day she went to live with GOD. The past can't be changed. It was not your fault. Find comfort in knowing she never had to know what pain is. She now only knows paradise. Don't hasten your reunion with her, just know one day you will be with her again. You were given life because you have a purpose. Try and find that purpose, and if you can't find it. Make a purpose.
  3. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    You shouldn't be sad and suicidal because of that you should keep your sister in your memory you definitely shouldn't be suicidal or blame yourself
  4. Fever

    Fever Member

    If you want to go the hypothetical route, a normal sibling bond would pretty much assure that she wouldn't want you to die.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry that happened Tappa.

    Dont use her as a reason to do this, she wouldnt want you to feel this way. Use her as a reason to get yourself better, use her as support, talk to her.