Still alive - trigger (methods) failed suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by levitated-one, Sep 12, 2009.

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  1. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi people, I've decided 1/2 days ago on Sep 11th that I was going to end it. Having equipped with 2 suicide options, I booked a hotel room for one night.

    I looked at my first option, went to the balcony.. <mod edit: methods> So I could end up not dead, but with crushed limbs and legs for the rest of my life.. so I'm thinking.. no.

    So that leads me to my second option, I went to the bath tub, <mod edit: methods>Then turned the water on..
    I lie myself in a sleeping position sideways, and the water is very slowly filling up.
    I don't remember what happens in between, I've obviously been knocked out by the pills.. but then after how many minutes or hours I don't know, I woke up! (by the rate the water is going, it could be about 30 minutes - 1.5 hours, I don't know how I woke up so quick :unsure: as I took quite a number of pills)
    Well the water on the tub was full when I woke up, and the water has stopped flowing! I don't know how the water stopped by itself, as I don't see any sensors on the bath tub that prevents it from overfilling.
    And I don't have any feeling that I've swollowed any water during my sleep either.. I don't know how, when I woke up I was in a sitting position, and my head was above the water.. strange.

    So, after that I went to the bed to curl up as it was cold.. then I felt really sick and I threw up on the floor.
    I put on my clothes and decide to give the first option a go. Then I thought really hard.. what if I fail? I would be suffering more than I would, and also the shame of having broken limbs, from failed suicide scares me.

    So I continued sleeping, then I checked out the morning after. I felt really sick that day (yesterday) and slept through the whole day.

    Well this is my first attempt, I hope I can really get through in life, as I'm struggling really hard.. I'm having a hard time, with myself and with others, with the world.

    I need help.. but I don't know who I can speak to, as I don't want to pay someone to hear my story, as I know it's their profession, and they're here to take my money.. so I don't know who to trust.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2009
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you're giving life a try. Things will get better...

    as for professionals, I don't know in what part of the world you live in, but here in canada we get free help from specialist. Just like anything, if you don't like the professional, you can always change and get another one...I would recommend you see a specialist because they are professional at what they do and if you need meds they can help you out with that, to understand what is going on what does what etc...

    if you need to talk to you can always pm me :)
     
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