well i attempted and failed on saturday. I was pulled from my car from a person trying to "help" before the carbon monoxide could do its job. I just got out of the hospital and now, to add to my overwhelming depression, i now have short term memory loss from CO poisoning. Which the doctors say might be permanent. Now, its interesting, a lot of people have said that after surviving an attempt they realize how much they really want to live. well its the opposite for me. This just increased my pain. why wont it just fucking end. anyway, i dont even know why im writing this on too far gone for help. i geuss its cause maybe deep within me i have a small amount of hope that maybe i can be helped. or maybe thats just one more hope and dream that will be destroyed like all the others.