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still alive unfortunately

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music_addict

Well-Known Member
#1
well i attempted and failed on saturday. I was pulled from my car from a person trying to "help" before the carbon monoxide could do its job. I just got out of the hospital and now, to add to my overwhelming depression, i now have short term memory loss from CO poisoning. Which the doctors say might be permanent.
Now, its interesting, a lot of people have said that after surviving an attempt they realize how much they really want to live. well its the opposite for me. This just increased my pain. why wont it just fucking end.
anyway, i dont even know why im writing this on too far gone for help. i geuss its cause maybe deep within me i have a small amount of hope that maybe i can be helped. or maybe thats just one more hope and dream that will be destroyed like all the others.
 

helena

Staff Alumni
#2
Hi :)
I personnaly am happy you got saved :hug:, though I understand your frustration.
Are you seeing a therapist? because it might be usefull as you obviously are at the end of your rope.I don't know if it is of any help, but I guess you know that aq lot of people around here are more or less at the same stage...is there something particular that triggered you, anything happened that made things worse?
Sometimes it helps to get things out, that's about what a counselor would do,and them probably get some structure on things, learn you perhaps to give things their own place and make them less hurtfull. I'm talking out of my own intuition, I'm not in anyway qualified. I really would like to help though, as I think that the slightest hope is one to hold on to, and hopefully it won't be a dream that doesn't come through.
I hope things get better soon for you, we'll be around for you whenever you need and we can.
Take care,
:hug:
helena
 

music_addict

Well-Known Member
#3
yeah, there was a triggering event. I was at the bar getting shitfaced too drown the pain like i do every day. and i was just noticing all these couples having a great time, laughing and talking you know? and for some reason, the realization that i never have and probably never will get to experience that carefree happiness just set in 10 times as bad as it usually does. so i went and bought <Mod edit: Luliby - method description> and, well, you know the rest...
 
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