I haven't been here for a while - not because of a ban this time either. My situation still sucks but slightly less than before. If anyone here really needs to talk to somebody, I will always respond if I see a message.
Is there anything you want to see in the future, any fun plans you want to do, travel somewhere? Finding something to look forward to can make a huge difference in how you feel. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I would hate to see any harm come your way.
Think, just think, what would you like to do in the future that you never thought was possible instead of living on auto pilot, make those dreams come through. I hate to see you suffering
I'm a retired pro gamer, I've already been everywhere. I have health and money and independence. I think this is what happens to famous people like Robin Williams. I've already been to the top of the mountain, and it's not as great as people think.
Yeah well a lot of famous people kill themselves and then people say "how could someone who had EVERYTHING just piss on it and fuck off?" To me, that's not fair because you are trying to rationalize the demons in their head. Sure I am depressed but I'm not like crying myself to sleep here. I'm more of a bored and alone type of depressed.
I agree that people tend to be shocked when someone who is famous or who "has it all" kills themselves. A big part of that is because people think that wealth and fame would solve all their own problems, or that these things are the source of all happiness.
The root is likely some kind of deep hatred of humanity due to a very bad childhood. I have almost zero empathy or compassion, I hate kids, especially boys because I see myself and want to just punch them in the face.
Sorry that this happened. I don't think it would be possible to come through that without having a lot of anger and hatred.
I don't think therapy would necessarily fix all of your problems, but in principle, it could help a lot if you find the right therapist.
I think there are also support/recovery groups for the adult children of alcoholics (I think one is called al-anon). You would probably find some things in common in other people who've gone through similar experiences.
Other treatments might help. The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods. I'll copy the links here in case you're on a phone.
One advantage that you have over many other people is that you've got both the money and the time to get treatments. You also have demonstrated the ability to master something that you've set your mind to (gaming). That means the same determination and hard work could be applied to treatment methods.
A practice like yoga, tai chi, or qi gong, and also meditation might be something you'd like to take up. I think you've got it in you to become a high level practitioner if that's what you decide to do.
Interesting that you mentioned meditation isn't an option, because I've come to the same conclusion. Everyone I know talks about how beneficial it is and how well it works for them. Which is awesome, I'm glad it's helped so many. But I've tried, multiple times with multiple apps or soundtracks. And for some reason, it just doesn't relax my mind. I have no trouble focusing generally, but when I specifically try to focus on relaxing, the opposite happens.
Everyone I know talks about how beneficial it is and how well it works for them. Which is awesome, I'm glad it's helped so many. But I've tried, multiple times with multiple apps or soundtracks. And for some reason, it just doesn't relax my mind. I have no trouble focusing generally, but when I specifically try to focus on relaxing, the opposite happens