still dying inside

i really do hesitate 2 post here. I dont want u guys 2 tell me "u have no right 2 be suicidal over something so small, their r so many people that hurt worse then u". Well idk if that is true or not, but i gotta say that its hard 2 imagine pain worse then wat im feeling right now. This may not seem like a big deal 2 all of u but it is 2 me, every1 handles things differently, i didnt choose 2 feel this way.

With that out of the way, let me get to my situation

Ok here's the story. Now there r these 2 beautiful girls that i'm related to (they're twins but don't look alike, u can easily tell them apart). Im not related 2 them by blood, just by marriage. My brother married there aunt, and idk wat that makes us but we just consider each other cousins cause its easier (even tho we aren't even close to cousins). Im 2 and 1/2 years older then they r, im a senior and in HS and they're Freshman (if it matters). Ive known them for about 6 months (they used 2 come over my house when they were little but i didnt really talk to them then, so it really doesn't count). I also used 2 work with them at a grocery store (but just recently quit)

Anyways I called one of them and told them how i felt. I didn't tell her right away, i was actually just playfully teasing her at first (2 like ease the tension and make it seem less serious so maybe she wouldn't feel as weird). Well she ended up figureing out it was indeed her and her sister that i liked (and i explained that i didn't want 2 liek 2 people but i don't control who i like and who i don't) She told me she feels a little weird cause we're cousins and the family might not agree with it, and i totally feel the same way. She hung up and said she would call me in 5 minutes but never did

the next day, I ended up texting one of them and we ended up trading texts. Basicly she told me that she felt weird and that there was nothing i could do. The last thing I said in a text was (pretty much word for word) "Look I just want both of u 2 know that I really care about u, as friends and cousins, not just crushes. I'll always be here 4 u and i hope this doesn't get in the way of our relationship. Ok i'll leave u alone now". She responded with "ok i understand" and that was the end of it.

This was all about a month ago. They both know as ive told the other one. She seemed 2 take it very well. Her sister seems a little uneasy but seems 2 be getting over it (i think, i could be dead wrong here). They both said they like me as a friend and a cousin which would be cool wit me, except 4 the fact that i dont believe them. I really just feel like they could care less about me.

Their r alsol alot of other things that r getting me down. Like they have a sweet 15 next year (June 30th, i have no clue y im thinking about it now) and i doubt they will invite me. It would mean so much 2 me if they invited me but i doubt they will, which really hurts

also, one of them lieks som1 else. I told her i knew and then ended up asking if me and her could ever be if we weren't related. She said no because she just thinks of me as a friend (which i dont think she even considers me that).
She cant stop thinking about this guy. even tho i know me and her will never be and that i would be perfectly fine just being a cousin and a friend 2 her, it still hurts 2 see her have all these feelings 4 some other guy

Thats about it. If u wouldn't mind, plz dont say that this isn't worth it or that u cant kill yourself over 2 girls or something like that, ive heard it so many times, it doesn't help. Wat helps is people telling me im wrong and that im overreacting and that things will turn out great with them (although plz only tell me that if u believe it, plz dont lie 2 me)

sorry this was so long

 

A crush is one thing, an obsession is another. If you want to stay on good terms with your cousins you need to back off and give them the room you all agreed to keep.

you said in a text (pretty much word for word) "Look I just want both of u 2 know that I really care about u, as friends and cousins, not just crushes. I'll always be here 4 u and i hope this doesn't get in the way of our relationship. Ok i'll leave u alone now".

A girl can't trust a guy if he's not true to his word.. you said, "Ok, I'll leave you alone now". and my advise is if you wish to keep these girls in your life then you need to do that. The ball is in their court now, if they are interested in a relationship with you they will let you know how they feel, it's their move next.

Still, your feelings are strong and this would be a good time to practice emotional regulation. What is that? Putting your emotions in the back seat.. in a nut shell. A few techniques to do that: a change of action or a change of thought.

Change of action means to do something opposite to your emotions. In this case, you may want to "call" them or "text' them. instead, call some other friend or text some other girl. instead of seeking their company seek others. this works in your favor in two ways, one.. it helps you to focus on something else for a while and two it's playing hard to get. In this way you keep your word as well.

Change of thought means when you are thinking about them stop the thought. perhaps you have a memorized paragraph, poem, anything, something that channels your thoughts into a new direction.

Do you have any hobbies or activities that you enjoy? Focus on these and think upon them. This will give you more peace of mind and open yourself to what may come.. maybe they contact you.. or maybe some other girl contacts you. Stay open.

 

when i sent that text i meant that i wouldn't say anything else 2 them for that moment, like they just found it out so i was going 2 give them some time 2 get over it, i have done that somewhat, i really havent been all over them. I didn't mean that i would never talk 2 them 4 the rest of their lives

and now im trying 2 think things through rationaly. I know they like me as a friend and a cousin, its just that one of them feels weird about it and doesn't seem 2 be talking 2 me much right now. the other one knows how i feel but is still her normal self around me. She will get over it eventually.

Now i dont know if they will invite me 2 their sweet 15 or not but thats not till the end of june, by then i will have graduated high school and might even be in college, thats such a long way away and there is no point in thinking about it now. I have plenty of time till then 2 get closer 2 them as friends.

Im just trying 2 think things through in a ratonal way, correct me if anything i just said was wrong.