Still Fantasizing About Escape

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Michael Ayin, Aug 7, 2010.

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  1. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    The eerie thing is that I know my method is pretty pat. I haven't gathered all the materials yet and wonder how serious I was when I was stalling. Perhaps I realize that it's really permanent, regardless of some "afterlife" or not. Even the knowledge that maybe nothing exists afterward isn't stopping me.

    One of my problems in life is that it seems I am going no where. Monetary wise I am little better than I was ten years ago, economy be damned. I don't wish to be elderly and in poverty. I've tried different routes to be mildly successful and nothing seemed to take hold.

    My biggest thing is that I would welcome peace and sleeping forever. Perhaps that's what is tempting when struggling with life since my teens just has been a protracted war that makes no sense at this time.
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Micheal. 'When life gives us lemons, then we make lemonade...' If you're not happy in a job then try another one and find one that makes you happy. I've worked in three other tutoring centers and really didn't like them, so I kept looking for one that I liked and eventually I found one and I've worked there for three years now.

    It takes time to find the right job. Also, making money isn't the hard part for most people. Saving money is the tricky part. I save up as much money as I can and live as minimally as I can, because you have to save for a 'rainy day' or a bad economy.
     
  3. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    I'm doing both---in fact, I talked to a supervisor today if a position opens up full time, I'm available. It will help out A LOT, but it is no more money---but less stress and more predictable.

    I'm not holding my breath on it, but if the employee that is on hold bails and the position is posted I'm going for it. I'm not shy at all for looking and asking about jobs, but timing and availability are part of the problem.
     
  4. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    That being said, I think my current supervisor is neurotic more than she lets on. Controlling, arbitrary, and suspicious, she even called out a couple of things to me today that was nearly just outright bullshit.

    That is a good motivator to go into a different department or shift. I'm asking around, and even will try to go to an open employee meeting about it this week if I can to seek more options.
     
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