The eerie thing is that I know my method is pretty pat. I haven't gathered all the materials yet and wonder how serious I was when I was stalling. Perhaps I realize that it's really permanent, regardless of some "afterlife" or not. Even the knowledge that maybe nothing exists afterward isn't stopping me. One of my problems in life is that it seems I am going no where. Monetary wise I am little better than I was ten years ago, economy be damned. I don't wish to be elderly and in poverty. I've tried different routes to be mildly successful and nothing seemed to take hold. My biggest thing is that I would welcome peace and sleeping forever. Perhaps that's what is tempting when struggling with life since my teens just has been a protracted war that makes no sense at this time.