Still feeling like killing myself

I am having my dad bring in my computer tomorrow first thing and I really hope I can getit back soon and get my software working as my hands really hurt from all thetyping I've been doing. I found a site called The Experience Project and I posted about my suicide attempt there (the overdose I menitioned in another thread) dont know why, just wanted to tell the story. Hopefully its as anonymous as it seems. I am still feeilng very alone and hopeless. I keep thinking about Friday when I sat there with everythign all set for my suicide, holding in my hands the means to do it, had it all planned out, no way I could've been saved, and then i called my friend instead and she convinced me to get rid of it. I am mad at myself and even a little mad at her, although I know that's ridiculous. I wish I still had the items I wanted to use kill myself instead of having to make preparations again from scratch. But I have thought about other ways now. I have thought about several ways to do it with what I have in the house.

I am feelingvery low. Tomorrow the guy is coming over th fix the phone, because that too isnt' working (its dropping calls) and the place is a mess. I dont' have the energy to clean and I'm in too much pain. He's lucky I cleaned the kitty litter andtook out the garbage. that's jsut about as much as I can manage these days. He will proabably think I am the biggest slob in existence.

Going to go now, hurts too much. Hope to be back online everntually.

 

I don't know if I can understand why you would be mad at yourself for not attempting suicide. You should be extremely proud of yourself that you was strong enough to have the courage to resist it.

I don't have the longing to do this. I did this tonight and I did not succeed. Am I glad I didn't? Yes, even though it does not do a thing for the pain and fatigue I am having to deal with. I know my problems will still be there tomorrow, and I may continue to struggle with the thoughts of suicide, but what my heart is longing for, is, wanting help. I really hate to ask, but I am at the point that I have to.

Don't worry about phone guy. I mean, if it really bothers you, just tell him your in pain and just not able to clean the mess up, anyone would understand that. Do you have any idea what is causing you to hurt like that?
I struggle with the same issue, and I'm sorry your going through that..

Maybe,, we can help give each other a little bit of support here.

 

Hi hun i know it is hard to deal with all the sadness hun i do hope you can reach out here and to someone in real life to help you hun. Get some therapy get on some medication okay it help to decrease the thoughts hugs to you

 

Very sorry to hear this...please try and get some therapy. Meds are a great idea to take away pain as well.

Take care, know I'm here if you would like to talk. <3

 

I"m seeing my counselor on Thursday, but I didnt' know how I'm going to make it til then. I feel so depressed and demoralized. I wish I could kill myself because i want that nothingness, that peace, so much. I wish it were over.

I am going to be without my computer for several days, so there goes my lifeline. I do have a few friends I can call, but I won't be able to post on forums or email people. I dont know how I will get though that. I am waiting for medication to come delieverdby the pharmacy,and then my dad and i iwll go. I hope he doesn't yell at and insultme today like he usually does. I don't thik I could handle it.