Still hating myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jun 30, 2010.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I lash out to those who try to help me, mostly because I've heard everything anyone ever has to say.

    People tried to tell me not to leave the forum, so I left for a while.

    I am back to say that nothing has changed, I still hate myself and I've still rationalized the taking of my own life.

    I still hate my life. I am pathetic and a failure.
     
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I am new and I can understand. I used to suffer from bipolar and I would lash out at people to drive them away as well. If you hate your life, do something positive about it. Change what you can and pray for change about what you can't. Honestly you have come this far doing what you felt that you should and now you are where you are. I believe it is time for something new. How about you? You deserve love, life, happiness, and pure JOY! All of these things can be yours. It is your decision. You have the power to make a choice. No one can take that from you unless you allow them to. Blessings..
     
  3. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    You're not a failure. However I know what it's like to hate yourself and no matter how many nice things I say, it's not going to automatically change your mind. All i can really say is that I hope someday you'll be able to see that you're not a failure. Feel free to PM me anytime you want to vent. :hug:
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Leaving is not always the answer friend. You do not have to love yourself right away either. It is a gradual process. I am working on not hating myself, I still do. It is a less intense hatred though. You can do the same. I wish there was an overnight cure... >.> well there was for me... but the cure requires regular dosages... and is very hard to obtain and keep.

    Just keep on trekking man. You can love yourself one day. Just work towards it and it will appear sooner rather than later.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    So glad to see you back Prof....that's a step forward in itself.....:stars:
    I hope you enjoy being back with us....:hugtackles:
     
  6. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    See? Everything everyone of you posted annoyed me, the same stuff I always expect to see.

    Look, there is no changing the bad, thats that.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well what were you expecting? We want to help, if you got the answers you expected then you know what needs to be done. However, inky you can change.
     
  8. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    You cant change me.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you're right Prof..you are the only one who can change you....
    I know you can if you try....I've seen you do it already....:stars:
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    No in the end I cannot change you. I can provide support And encouragement. However, you are the only one who can change you. I am changing so I know it can be done. It hurts it suck to shed the old skin and it will seem like it is taking forever but it can be done. You just have to want it.
     
  11. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Wanting it isnt enough
     
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You are right, wanting it is just the first step. Next you can take one of two routes. The first I dub the lotto route. Meaning you can want and hope something might happen. Like winning the lotto you pay money and you might win a few million dollars. Or you can take option 2 the ummm... well I cannot think of one word for It. However you take the course that requires you to work for it. Requires you to sit down and change your own life.

    I have experienced the lotto method. However, I squandered it, and I am worse off than when I started. So this time I am going to build up something to fall back on. That way if I win the lotto again I won't squander it.
     
  13. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I've tried both, as I've told all of you, time and time again, neither of which worked.
     
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well dude, let me say "If at first you do not succeed. Try try again". Really that is better than doing nothing right?
     
  15. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    And what if nothing ever changes? Hmm?
    What if I spend a lifetime working for nothing?

    Why should I try again and again and again? When I've already failed multiple times.
     
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I doubt that trying will cause nothing to change friend. You will find that the enbents in our lives teach us something every time we experience them. As long as you make an effort to learn you will change. Do not ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Really when I think about it, I had to make an effort to not change all these years.
     
  17. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Nothing changes with me.

    I lost weight, got nicer/better clothes, approached more women and did my best to be social and still, nothing changed.
    I practice my art, daily! Nothing improves, not changes, I seem to stay where I am or get worse.
     
  18. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    How did nothing change? You listed off 5 changes you made in your life.

    Things take practice, how long have you been approaching women and trying to be social? Are you only being social on social occasions? Do you practice being social whenever you can? Are you more comfortable talking to people?

    It sounds to me like you are on a path to changing. However, you are still walking down the path, however, you are not quite done yet. You will never fully change if you just stop walking down the path.
     
  19. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    My confidence shot a long while back, so I haven't been talking to women because I am too shy. Besides, why should I?
    I hate myself, they can sense that so they don't want anything to do with me.

    I am sad all the time, watching my favorite t.v. show, eating ice cream, drawing, always sad.
     
  20. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am right there with you friend. I still hate myself as well. I am able to muster a smile towards women every once in a while.

    It is good you know they can sense that. Now you need to change that. To be honest, you have a lot to be confident about. You lost weight, you improved your apperance. There has to be something else?