Still here, but still going to attempt.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Nov 9, 2011.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    So last night my husband and I decided to stay together, so it kept me alive for another night.

    Problem is, I still want to off myself.

    When I told my mother I was suicidal she said that I only say that to manipulate her and that I've said it so many times that she doesn't care anymore. However, she's wrong, I'm going to prove it, and she'll regret saying that to me.

    My step-father is a total idiot/douchebag. He thinks that drinking alcohol all the time is perfectly fine but gets on people's case for taking Klonopin (prescribed by a doctor) for fuck's sake.

    And my husband claims he's going to get better with his heroin use and he'll get help, etc. But, I don't believe it. I love him very much, but he's probably not going to get better and I know it.

    I'm currently typing up my suicide letter, and I still want to say bye to two more people. And then I'm going to attempt. Don't know if it'll work, but guess we'll find out.
     
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah, and my therapist still didn't give a shit to call even though she said she would to check up on me. Shows a thing or two about society, eh.
     
  3. NQ1340

    NQ1340 Member

    Don't know what to say but I hope things turns out well : )
     
  4. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    I've read through your posts - i understand that you have some problems with your husband? would you like to get in more detail with this?

    I can understand this feeling, but believe me you don't need to prove anything to your mother.

    I find it very important that you mention that you want to say bye to 2 more people, why don't you talk to these other people?

    I can fully understand this and you are feeling very rejected and that maybe you don't deserve to be helped - i fully understand your feelings. Have you tried to call her? We're all humans and she might have forgotten - i'm not taking her side here - she is responsible for remembering but i would recommend you call her.

    I have some additional questions for you:

    1) When did you start taking Klonopin?
    2) Your suicide thoughts, did they get worse after you started with Klonopin?
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I've read through your posts - i understand that you have some problems with your husband? would you like to get in more detail with this?

    He has been a heroin addict for 10+ years. He now constantly relapses every day/week and lies to me about it. He sees an addiction specialist and takes suboxone. The suboxone helps with heroin withdrawal, but not with the cravings. After all the stuff I've seen recently, I am pretty convinced that there's no going back. He's going to keep using, and our lives will go to hell. And I just don't want to stick around and wait until that happens. I've tried to convince him to get more help such as attending NA meetings or trying outpatient rehab. The latter he doesn't want to do, and the NA meetings he's already said are very little help to him, if any at all. So there really isn't much hope.


    I find it very important that you mention that you want to say bye to 2 more people, why don't you talk to these other people?

    I already sent one of those people an e-mail telling her what was going on. I don't know if she'll respond in time for me to see it again or not, though. The other person, I haven't gotten a hold of yet, and I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to or not.


    I can fully understand this and you are feeling very rejected and that maybe you don't deserve to be helped - i fully understand your feelings. Have you tried to call her? We're all humans and she might have forgotten - i'm not taking her side here - she is responsible for remembering but i would recommend you call her.

    If I call her, I will be sent to a mental ward. And that's not what I want.

    I have some additional questions for you:

    1) When did you start taking Klonopin?
    2) Your suicide thoughts, did they get worse after you started with Klonopin


    I started taking Klonopin in, April, maybe? Of this year. And no they haven't gotten worse because of the Klonopin. They've gotten worse because I cannot watch my husband slowly kill himself by shooting heroin before my very eyes, and I can no longer stand my family treating me like a failure, manipulator, and an outcast. Not to mention, even without all of those issues, my Borderline Personality Disorder is enough to make me think suicidal thoughts every day. Just, those other issues push me over the edge enough to go through with it.
     
  6. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    The first step which was to see a specialist for addictions he completed which is positive. Its important however he gets as much help as possible so i would also recommend he starts visiting a psychologist, a outpatient rehab would be highly recommended also.

    I have a website that you can check for addictions: http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org


    Do you have her phone number? I am sure she would want to have time to talk to you either via phone or even via email - she would be sad if she didn't get the chance so lets try to put a pause top the suicidal thoughts for a while.

    Also i am sure you'll get a hold of the other person in the meantime, just keep trying!


    But since you were expecting her call doing a call yourself to tell her that you were expecting her call but since you didn't get it you called yourself.

    Ok i asked about Klonopin because these medication may sometimes make suicide thoughts worse - so i just wanted to confirm that the medication is fine.

    Of course i can understand that the sight of your husband is not very nice, but why are you a failure?
     
  7. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    i am going through the same thing with the suicidal thoughts. People who do not have depression and dont understand the effects think that you are doing this to get attention which in all likelyhood is not the case. I want to die today have wanted to even tried yesterday on a drug come to find out you can't lethally overdose on but anyways. I just want you to know that just because they dont understand means that they never will.
     
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I finished writing a suicide letter to my mom, and one to my husband.

    I also got a hold of the other person. He asked if he could do anything to stop me, I said probably not, and he said he respected my decision.

    So goodbye. I may fail with this attempt, but I hope I don't.
     
  9. NQ1340

    NQ1340 Member

    ...........................................:(

    I hope to hear from you again
     
  10. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    I think you made the wrong kind of decision.
    If you actually tried it and you're still alive, please talk to us here.
     
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