Still here please please help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Insignificant, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    well, for those of you who were aware of the situation on monday or at least how i felt then i have got to get this out and i need help please. i have been on a 72 hr hold sinse monday evening. they just let me off today if i would sign in voluntarily. they know how helpful u all have been to me thus they have let me out to the computer at the library today to try and talk with whoever is willing to listen.

    my feelings to die are stronger than ever. they keep telling me i know what i need and honestly i have no idea anymore. the only thing that is very alive and real to me today is i desire nothing more than to die. i'm sorry u all are listening to this again. i just don't know what to do. this is so hard. i just want to go home so i can die and in peace. they have put me on a new medication which they are expecting to really help, but i have to be honest i feel like i am beyond all that anymore. i can't stop feeling this way.

    last nite i started doing the rubberband on my wrist thing cause my urge i feel like is stressing me out to the point of just killing me. i left a modest welt there of course but i gave up a short while later when i felt no relief. i honestly feel like just taking off at this point and going back home to do what i have so strongly desired for at least the last week.

    anyone have any suggestions on getting through this? cause honestly i feel it's just time to go home and let go.
     
  2. I personally don't know what to say to help you, except I'm always here if you need it. Please don't go to SI or suicide attempt, things can be sorted out - whatever the situation is. Trust me on that, you'll come out stronger on the other side.
     
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Just hold on and look thru it all. Think about the good things in your life and focus on them. Dont forget that we care for you and want more than anything for you to get better. Im sorry i cant say/do much else but im always here waiting for you if you need someone to talk to. Please take care rhino, good luck x
     
  4. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    My suggestion is, that you stay where you are, sorry hun but I truely believe you need to be there right now.. I hope you are getting the help and support you need.
    It is good that you are getting access to a computer and I hope we can talk again soon.
    Believe me I know how tough it is but you can get through this, there will be brighter days ahead, you just have to stay there and accept all help that is offered.

    :hug: Hazel xx
     
  5. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i honestly do NOT feel like there is any way through this anymore. i am out on a pass this evening and i don't trust myself as far as i can throw myself right at the moment. when i go home i know what i feel like doing and straight up i don't know that i could not do it.

    they have tried a new medication on me sinse i have been in the hospital now and my body reacted to it somewhat harshly. enough so that i had to go to the er and had to be taken off of it immediately. i don't want to keep going through this shit. i'm tired and i honestly believe with all my heart that i am beyond help.this is crazyness plain and simple.

    i have never had an urge stick to me to long and never as much belief in this as there is right now. i want to die!!!!
     
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    But I DON'T want you to die!! So there!!! There you have it. I have no reason other than just wanting you to live, to see you thru this.:smile: Put off the urge by the minute if you have to, but keep procrastinating. This is one time when procrastination is a GOOD thing.:smile: Keep putting it off.

    I'm sorry about the bad reaction to the new med.:sad: Sometimes that happens. I have no magic wand other than selfish reasons to want to keep you living til it gets better. It WILL get better. How badly to you want it to get better? Make that your goal, not dying. I KNOW you can do this, especially since you're NOT alone. I'm here with you and I'm under a lot of stress too but not so much that I can't stop to pull you out of the Pit. Now come on, hang on tight to me and I'll pull you in, ok?:smile:

    Please hang on. You're worth more than you think.:smile: Give yourself a break.:smile:

    love and hope and the grip of a bulldog,

    least
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2006
  7. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    so many of us have felt as u r feeling right now... i know the place u r standing in right now.. please grab onto anything..that will keep you alive.. things can only get better if we are alive ....

    i know when i feel as you r feeling i see death as just closing my eyes and drifting off... nothingness...no pain... no dark.. no lonliness. nothing...

    but the truth is.. there is no for sure promise that death will be any better... please .... if all u can do to get by is sleep than ... just sleep away some time .. untill you can figure out what your depression is about..

    hugs..and support...
     
  8. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    ...and yet, for all the hassle of trying there is the possibility that things WILL work out and that things WILL get better. Suicide is not an option because it destroys hope. Things will not get better or work out if you are dead.

    you asked for advice so hear is my 2 cents worth. Suicidal thinking is a compulsive thought. It does not mean you have no choice, or that the end result must be suicide. It is a compulsive thought that is emotionally very very painful, distressing and difficult to bypass. But it can be done. Medication can help, keep trying. As long as you are trying then you truely DO have a chance at getting through this and having a happy ending.

    So.. i've tried the rubber band thing and it didn't work for me either. Here is what has worked for me. When you entertain these suicidal thoughts they only get stronger and stronger. There is distraction.. like a puzzle, tv, video game.. something that takes your mind out of the emotional realm and into the strategy, logical or just plain "out of your present experience" realm.

    When a suicidal though comes and your mind starts to entertain it CHALLENGE the thought and imagine a positive outcome.. this positive outcome is a visualization of you overcoming the suicidal impulse and saving yourself. Come to your rescue. In most cases try to insert this ending: and thats when I call for help (Dr. family, friend.. insert person you will call here). or, thats when I stop, play a quick game of solitaire and watch a movie. or, thats when I stop, grab my cout and go for a walk outside. or, thats when I look up and start counting how many colors I see around me, or count how many tiles on the ceiling, or how many step from here to there. These things will pull your mind from the emotional state to a non emotional state and that will help you get some control over the suicidal urgency.

    Challenge the suicidal thought and try to avoid playing out "death scenario's" in your mind. Distract, then play out life saving strategies.

    A compulsive thought will try to justify itself to you over and over again. You may think things like, "there is no hope", "it doesn't matter anyway", I can't keep fighting this". Keep in mind these are also thoughts and they are NOT FACT. There just thoughts. Your mind is spewing out ideas based on a depressive state of being and untill that medication kicks in your mind may continue to work against you with depressive thoughts, feelings and ideas.

    It's like a very dark pair of sunglasses. But just because things seem that way doesn't mean they are. In fact, once you are feeling better and the sunglasses come off you'll see there was hope all along.

    My last point is this: In your depressive state a person tends to see the bad in everything and somehow the good gets overlooked, or passed off as nothing. (the dark sunglasses again.) But look at what you HAVE succeeded in! You have sought help! You continue to try! You continue to work with your Dr.'s! Keep up the good work! Recovery is not like planting a magic bean a fully grown beanstalk shoots out of the ground and the next day your home free. It's more like a tomato plant. you plant the seed. you water it, give it sunshine, some plant food, protect it and wait and wait but in time a little sprig with come up out of the ground. Keep at it and the sprig grows and grows, and then you have tomotoes.

    You may not SEE the recovery but you are doing all the right things. Keep trying, keep persisting. Death leads to nothing but life can lead to so many bright and possible futures. take the time to recover. forgive yourself and give yourself a break when you slip. As long as you have life you have a seed.
     
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