Whats beyond incomprehensible(htaed)- life i have this powerful urge to relive my life again. cuz i feel i failed myself. If death can grant this wish then im willing to jump a river right now. Too much happiness and innocence when we were young. Im now 20, i have no social urges. i feel all adult do is fake, do what there is to cover up the daily grinding of survival. To what, to old and then die!? Im sure is not it.I want to disappear but i also want to right the wrong. Im caught in this vortex of to live and not to live. In part to live so falsely makes me not want live. But to die makes me angry of living so falsely when life is suppose to be precious. Something has to change soon. I kept telling myself. That Either im wrong or the world is wrong. I wanted scream and let the world hear the anger and its terrible shrieks. i hated but i knew its cuz deep inside i loved something i havent found or i had lost. But i have been lamented and unable to search for it. Now as all the other nows to come. hate and love seem to cancel each other. Im caught in it unable to make a decision. I keep hoping somewhere out there is someone really special who can make all my suffering end. I will wait, for now for her... until then nothing shall take my life away.