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Still in love with my first boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by sdeemer93, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. sdeemer93

    sdeemer93 Active Member

    As the title states I'm still in love with my first boyfriend...not that our first time together was much of a relationship. Yes, sadly, I have been with this boy twice now. Once when I was 14 and once when I was 18. I'm almost 20 now...but since he's been a part of my life for 6 years I think it's just hard for me to let go.

    After we "broke up" the first time..from whatever it was we had...it was a year until I started dating my high school boyfriend. (who i was with for 2 1/2 years). Although I didn't think I still had feelings for the first guy (Nate) still, they came back after my high school boyfriend dumped me. I started talking to Nate again a few months after my break up and we started dating. And I fell for him HARD. I never felt so passionately about my high school boyfriend. But maybe its because I loved Nate first? I've heard that since you give your first love your whole heart you never love anyone as much as you loved them...at least in the sense that you think that it will last forever and that you just give them ALL of yourself. Not meaning sex...but emotionally. You have never been hurt before so you don't know what heartbreak is yet. You don't understand what giving them all of your heart can do.

    I honestly don't know if this is making sense, but there is so much I could say about Nate. He drives me CRAZY. I wish things were like when we first got together the second time...but we don't even speak anymore. And the dumb thing is...is that I don't even understand why I have feelings for him. I just do. And I am hoping it will be easier to cut him out of my life soon. Its sad but I'm pretty sure my best friend is breaking up with her boyfriend (Nate's cousin). That's the whole reason we even ever speak to each other anymore is because his cousin is his best friend...so since my best friend and his live together...it's a bit inevitable.

    I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I want to get back together with him...but does that doubt mean it's not right? Or just that I'm scared of rejection? Scared that it won't work again? I'm just plain confused!
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I have not seen my first real girlfriend- from back in highschool - for over 25 years, and I still think of her on occasion and have tried some google searching to see if I can find out where she is now and what happened with her so I think there is something about the 'first love' thing.
    I am also quite certain it can never go back to that because you are probably in love with the way it felt then and the people you and he were. If you want to see go on a limb and ask if he wants to have lunch for old time sake. There is little rejection from not having time for lunch and see where it goes but it will be like trying to start over with a new person because people are very very different from 14 to 20 , yourself included. There is a reason why 99% of relationships that start in teens end by very early 20's -- you are a different person and so are they from adolescent to adult.
    Still no reason not to see if the adult you is interested in the adult him...
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    That first love always holds a special place in your heart.
    I still, and it's nearly 40 yrs since I saw them, have dreams with mine in it.
    He is the only one that I have dreamt about year in year out.
    I dont mean romantic dreams, usually I get the feeling he's unhappy or in trouble, but he's the only one to be a constant visitor in dreamland.
    I have loved since, but that one, that first one, stays a life time it seems, but maybe its meant to stay a pleasant dream.