As the title states I'm still in love with my first boyfriend...not that our first time together was much of a relationship. Yes, sadly, I have been with this boy twice now. Once when I was 14 and once when I was 18. I'm almost 20 now...but since he's been a part of my life for 6 years I think it's just hard for me to let go. After we "broke up" the first time..from whatever it was we had...it was a year until I started dating my high school boyfriend. (who i was with for 2 1/2 years). Although I didn't think I still had feelings for the first guy (Nate) still, they came back after my high school boyfriend dumped me. I started talking to Nate again a few months after my break up and we started dating. And I fell for him HARD. I never felt so passionately about my high school boyfriend. But maybe its because I loved Nate first? I've heard that since you give your first love your whole heart you never love anyone as much as you loved them...at least in the sense that you think that it will last forever and that you just give them ALL of yourself. Not meaning sex...but emotionally. You have never been hurt before so you don't know what heartbreak is yet. You don't understand what giving them all of your heart can do. I honestly don't know if this is making sense, but there is so much I could say about Nate. He drives me CRAZY. I wish things were like when we first got together the second time...but we don't even speak anymore. And the dumb thing is...is that I don't even understand why I have feelings for him. I just do. And I am hoping it will be easier to cut him out of my life soon. Its sad but I'm pretty sure my best friend is breaking up with her boyfriend (Nate's cousin). That's the whole reason we even ever speak to each other anymore is because his cousin is his best friend...so since my best friend and his live together...it's a bit inevitable. I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I want to get back together with him...but does that doubt mean it's not right? Or just that I'm scared of rejection? Scared that it won't work again? I'm just plain confused!