Still left with half an issue...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LetMeBe, Feb 19, 2012.

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  1. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    I chose to leave my brother's house, so he doesn't get into trouble for having me here. I've been here because I can't face my roommate, who has driven me batshit crazy. She seems to have calmed down a bit - or at least I taught her to leave me alone in emails and PMs while I was away. I'm relieved that the decision is made. That takes away half my stress, but now brings its own brand of WTF is going to happen next? Not to down her for honestly having some disabilities, but I've been taking care of her 24/7 (including financially) for 10 months now. I'm totally burned out on constantly care-giving, for one, that's a given. I'm also burned out because it took us forever to find housing, and going through the loops to attain it, while dealing with being homeless. When we got into this place I told her that I need privacy and alone time to recover. She hasn't respected that, at all, to the point where she was pushing me harder, instead. I finally broke down and went to my brother's to get away.

    Now my fear is going back - which I was actually putting off, and now I can't any longer. I am dreading her. Constantly complaining, constantly bitching about things or other people - no one is as good as (or as in pain as much as) she is. I ended up in the hospital moving a box (after asking her to please, please, do not move storage all at once, but in increments) and returned home to tell her I wouldn't do any more, only to have her tell me "Well, I'll trade you my back for your's." If I have a small problem (headache, stress) she has not only what I have but ten times the amount. Its like playing poker, and I'm tired of it. Its all about her. She's the victim. She's the best. She's everything as long as she's in the middle and gets all of the attention. She even interrupts others' conversations to butt in and tell her fantastic tales of woe, or glory, or give her un-asked-for advice.

    I am sick of it.

    And now I'm dreading returning.

    I have two weeks before I can go elsewhere. I've been stressed to the point where I'm having suicidal ideation again, and a nervous breakdown that's included a 3 week headache. I do not expect things to have changed, and I know she can go from "I'm happy" to "I'm hysterical" (be it good or bad) in 02 seconds, and it's all about the drama.

    I've been trying to get her roommates. So far it appears nothing has come of this. She says no one has returned the messages. I have no way to prove if anyone has or hasn't, and have put this all on her. I don't want to leave her high-and-dry, because that would be wrong, in my book. However, I am leaving. I have a place (matter of fact two options) to go. But I am terrified of the blow-out that is going to occur.

    Hell, I'm terrified of going back tomorrow.

    All of this has really done some damage to me, psychologically and emotionally. I'm a fucking wreck. I know in two weeks the wreckage will fall and this will all be over with, but in the interim I'm tired of going to sleep thinking about just dying, in order to make it stop, having nightmares every night about the situation, and of waking up thinking about this, and of constant obsessive thoughts trying to figure this all out. I'm sick. I'm exhausted. I'm burned out. And I'm just plain fucking tired.

    I have no idea how to address any of this, with her, except to just wait til the last moment and then pack and leave - and let her have her fit then. Its not how I'd like it to be - but I don't know any other way of handling a person such as this.

    I tell you, it makes me terrified of having roommates ever again.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Room mate from hell hun god i would just pack up and leave first chance you get ok YOU need to look after YOU cut all ties now get new phone new email ect If you have to sign yourself into hospital to get away from her and allow no visitors okay She wil lnto change YOU need to change okay y ou need to get away now before she does take every bit of you that is left
     
  3. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    Yeah, a real psychic vampire. >.< Ugh!

    :hiding:
     
  4. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    I feel like I'm already breaking down. I feel like I'm getting paranoid about people following me, except that its real, and not just paranoia. I told my roommate I may as well just slice my wrists and get it over with. I won't, but I sure feel like doing it. I shouldn't have said that because it will only give her more fuel to come bother me about things, when I leave the room. I just want to yell at them both to just don't follow me outside when I go for a cigarette - is that too much to ask? Then they'll get all indignant. I can't believe the guy's doing it, too. I took the dog and ran around the corner of the building, then started coughing because I was in too much of a panic/hurry. Pathetic. I'm getting really anxious about this issue. Tomorrow my councilor will be back and I'm going to beg and plead that she lets me go into the woman's shelter to get away from this before I crack. I'm afraid to leave my room. I should not feel this way. I should not be so afraid of confrontations. I feel used, but I know its my own fault - codependency. Must break this cycle before I fall backwards into it further. Need to get out of here. Need to escape.
     
  5. Prox

    Prox Active Member

    Relax, man. Don't let these things get to you. You can handle it, and soon enough it'll all be n the past. Just take a deep breath and move forward. Don't let this stuff take away from the good in life.
     
  6. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    Heh, yeah, taking lots of deep breaths. Lots of trying to think before I speak and act, too.

    Gave them both a pack of smokes and told them I can not do any more this month, so please don't ask. Then I went out to have a smoke. Had to walk to the end of the block, and I was still followed. Told dude that I really wanted to have a smoke by myself, though he acted as if the concept had never crossed his mind before (that I'd want to be alone). But by then the dog had already went, and I'd be damned if I was walking past the corner. So just walked back with him.

    :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

    My frustration level is on tilt.
     
  7. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    I think I need to become nocturnal for the next two weeks >.> Maybe then I can avoid them.
     
  8. Takotsubo

    Takotsubo Well-Known Member

    do the people you live with have any mental illnesses? ... down syndrome?
     
  9. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    They both have psychological issues. One of them is wanting to spend my money. I'm quite through with that. >.<
     
  10. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    alei5u4[98545iq[ 9v5uq[945 [nvq94ug'ajg ;liaekrhawer'9auta'9osj 'aw9utaw'

    Why can't men lift up the toilet seat!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

    :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

    Taking a breath. Jebux!!!!

    Over in two weeks!!! Over in two weeks!!!
     
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