Still negative

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Oct 25, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I dont know if i m being paranoid or what but reading a few responses to some posts seems some ppl just dont get what its like to have suicidle thgts or even why some of us even attempt.I know the thgts are embedded in my head i think about it day and nght i dont know how to rid of these thghts i also feel like having a good cry but unable just wont come out.I realise if i succeed with suicide there are others left behind,but i find when im really low and those thghts are at there strongest im just thnking of one thng how am i gunna do it.Ive recently just started another dumb thing tht stops me and thts cutting myself (which i aint told anyone about cause i feel like a numb nut)but it takes my mind of killing myself for a while.It seems when ya at your lowest and thngs just keep looking bleak and nothing seems to go rght and ya just feel lost,very lonely,and everyone and thing is against you ya thinking just becomes screwed up ya cant find a way out and ya just want the pain and saddness to go.Nobody ever asked or wants to feel like this but it happens and very hard to pick ya self up again.I m seeing a counciller but i find it not helping me i m on meds same no help i know i have to dig deep within myself but just cant seem to beat negative thghts.I really dont know what will become of me as ive lost everything and really cant be fcked starting again.Anyway this will be my last week here for while as i wont have access to putor bck to staying in my car again.I really dont know if ive made any sense here as im not very good at getting thngs out
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you did a good job in telling whats going thru your head..Can you move back home with your parents>?? Or a relative??There are usually shelters in most cities...I'm sorry I don't have answers for you.. But I wanted to let you know you have been heard..
     
  3. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi Spidy,

    Sorry you're still feeling so bad. It's heartbreaking listening to your pain and I wish there was something I could say to make it better. :hug:

    I guess that if your cutting is stopping you going that further step, then that's good. You know there's a self harm sub forum here, there'll be others there who will understand what's happening to you. Might be wortht posting there too.

    As for the counsellor - maybe you want to try and find another one who IS going to help. That's not easy, I've just been through four in a few weeks, and just stopped seeing the last one because he was doing my head in. Not helping at all. But I know it's hard finding someone else, is there anyway you can do that? Do you have any opportunity to get help from someone else?

    I also want to say you've articulated what's happening for you very clearly, and I do understand. So please know I am thinking of you, no matter what.
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    ..Can you move back home with your parents>?? Or a relative??There are usually shelters in most cities...I'm sorry I don't have answers for you.. But I wanted to let you know you have been heard..[/QUOTE]

    Both my parents are deceased i stayed with my sis few weeks ago but i spent most of my younger life getting out of tht town plus i felt like a burden there and was making me feel insecure.Plus she dosnt really understand whats going thrgh my head and is one of those typical ppl with the answer of get over it.We have one nght shelters here and thts it not much in the way in mens resources here.Car isnt tht bad just dangerous with all the thnking time.
    Thnks Tam um think ive given up on councillers and docs as i dont get much out face to face with ppl.Basically i cant find myself being happy for a long time and seeing these ppl seem to make me feel insecure as i dont know what to say to them
     
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Spidy. That's THEIR job, not yours. They are the ones supposed to help you to talk, to understand how to feel better. That's why I talked about finding someone else. Even someone untrained, not a professional, but someone who can listen to you properly. I know it's not much help, especially as you won't have access to a computer soon, but there are people here who would relate to your situation so well, even talking to them could give you some hope at least, something to make you feel that maybe things could get better. Just keep posting for now, that's the best thing you could do.
     
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Is why i come here seems the only place ive have at moment.I rang a suicide line few weeks bck got talked too like a peace of sht so its sort of put me off seeking help.I told me counciller he said they have had a few complaints about tht org but thts no good if in need of somebody to talk too.I sort of come to realise im in this alone.
     
  7. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Not totally alone! You've got us.
     
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes for the next few days anyway i try come here as much as pos and you guys here are a credit least nobody here gives ya negativity
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Many people have no clue what it is like to be suicidal. I'm one of those whose attempts were spontaneous. I don't expect others to understand. I consider it a precious gift when I find someone who does understand. I'm glad I have here to come to.

    Living in a car is hard but it is doable. Do the squeaky wheel thing and find all the homeless assistance you can. Find a public computer when you can and post here.

    The pain doesn't go away right away. I hate it when the pain lingers. I sometimes talk to my feelings and tell them I need a break and to go sit on the shelf that I have in my mind until later.

    To pass some of the time, see if you can volunteer serving food in a shelter or rescue mission. It will give you a connection that is real and meaningful and it will give you a sense of being someone who contributes to this world no matter where you live or what your circumstances are.

    :hug:
     
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes car is doable been living in out of it since i left hosp.Bassically i live in country town small city and there are no rescue missions or those kinds of shelters here.Yes i ll try get use of putor as much as pos as coming here does help gives me some purpose at least.Prob with living in car is i tend to thnk thnk thnk as i have nothing else to do which ussually ends in me hurting myself.
     
  11. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I think I would get a broom and sweep the sidewalks and call it my volunteer work. When people ask what I'm doing, I would say I'm homeless and I'm doing volunteer work to keep busy. I'm one of those that doesn't mind shaking up the status quo. Something to look back on and laugh at. I gotta have some fun in life. :)
     
  12. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Now that just gave me a little laugh i could just imagine the looks id get everyone prob thnk i was a crim doing community service
     
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