Still not any better.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Mar 9, 2010.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    If you read my last post you will see that I have come back here after taking a break from it for a while. I know a couple of people have followed what I have had to say in the past so I thought I would afford you an update on where things have gone in the last week.

    So I went to the Dr on Friday. She was suprised at the fact that they hadn't heard anything from the hospital re the ligation or what ever it was the weekend before. Any way I was talking to her about it and she has talked me in to going back on the meds. I was really reluctant to but she made me realise I was deluding myself. I kept thinking that when I go away things will be fine and I just need to get through the next few weeks until I go. I never even considered I would feel worse while I am away. Now I am really worrying about going and the thought of getting worse makes me feel more suicidal as I can't cope with feeling like I do for much longer.

    I have gone on to Mirtazapine 30mg which worked in the past, but increased my appetite by so much it was horrible. I have noticed that already and that is with only taking them for a few days. I can't be doing with it. I don't want to rely on pills for the rest of my life. I can't.

    I went out on Saturday night and ended up getting really upset. All I can think about now is ending things. I don't know. I don't know what I want. I don't wanna end up being in hospital for attempting and failing. I know what I would do to end things but wouldn't want anyone I know finding me. So the only option I have is waiting til I go away. I may feel better once I am away, and it gives me the option then doesn't it? Either I will be happier and wont need to or I will feel worse and I will have the motivation to.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Alot of people have to rely on meds for the rest of their life If it makes themwell makes them stable makes their lives more bearable then why not. Diabetics people with heart disease lung diseases etc have to take meds for ever transplant patients all have to take meds.. What is the difference from a mental illness then if it makes us well. I fought meds for along time but when i finally let my mind accept the fact i needed them i actually started to feel better. I was not fighting the med any longer but letting it work. Try to work with your doctor okay she wants you well.
     
  3. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Hey I'm meant to be on Mirtazipine aswell, I think 30mg's too. Completely understand your feelings towards the medication. I was also taking orlanzipine before which increased my weight and appetite and find that mirtazipine can do this aswell. Do you take it at night? I find that it can make me really sleepy. I don't like to have to rely on meds either but my DBT therapist using the analagy that 'it is like your scaffolding - it is there to build the support to keep you feeling stronger while your build yourself up around it' I suppose its kinda like stopping you from falling further into your depression. Dont forget that if you have been off your meds for a while, they say that you can sometimes feel worse for a short time while the meds get back into your system. So don't make any big decisions about life - especially about ending it, give them a chance to work for you and help you and like was said, reach out for the support from your dr and if you ever want to talk you can PM me, I can't seem to get onto chat but will always reply to any message you send x
     
  4. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm also on Mirtazapine 45mg which i'm told is the max dose it does increase your appatite and make you drowsy but does take the edge off for a while. As has been said it's not the worse thing in the world to rely on tablets. I also have an underactive thyroid there is no cure so I will take pills for this for the rest of my life.
     
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