Still not over it.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by destroythesethoughts, Oct 25, 2012.

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  1. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I was in an abusive relationship for 9 months.
    When I tell people even a small portion of what I went through, I always get the same response: Why didn't you leave him sooner?
    Well I've talked to a few people who have been in an abusive relationship, whether it be mental or physical (mine was both) they all say the same thing: It's not that easy and I don't know why.
    That's exactly how I feel.

    I met this guy and after 3 months I moved in with him.
    I thought he was perfect for me.
    But after about only a month, he drastically changed.
    He began staying out late and coming home completely drunk.
    At first he would just shove me around anytime I would try to confront him about his behavior.
    Then when he started barely coming home and I would talk to him about it, that's when the real hitting started.
    He would call me every name you could possibly think of.
    He would throw the things I've done in the past in my face.
    He'd make me feel so small and insignificant.
    He also became very controlling.
    He would take any money that I had and spend it on himself.
    I had to begin cleverly hiding my money.
    We couldn't afford to pay our bills because he refused to work and I had a hard time finding a job.
    I couldn't even leave the house without him wanting to know every little thing I was going to do and who I was going to be talking to.
    He was out of control.

    But after nine months of total torture, after nine months of going weeks without eating or sleeping, after nine months of being addicted to pills, after nine months of being flat broke, I finally got the strength all by myself to just call it quits.
    I left in the middle of the night when he was passed out drunk.
    I got a restraining order placed on him and had to take him to court to get all of my belongings that I couldn't take with me that night back.
    I was placed in rehab for 6 weeks and I am now seeing a therapist regularly.
    I am currently taking classes to be an STNA and I work at a local gas station near my house.
    I somewhat got my life back.

    But the thing is, I'm still having nightmares and flashbacks, even it has been a year since it's happened.
    I find myself thinking about him 95% of the time.
    The pain suffering won't leave my mind.
    It's starting to make me relapse..

    Is there anyone out there that can help me? :(
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are so brave and so resourceful...I am very proud to hear all you have done for yourself...PTSD is a part of this syndrome and usually experienced when one is all else, the healing takes time, and you sound like you are clearly in the right direction..please continue to advocate strongly for yourself and move ahead on your journey...for me it took many moons to forgive the persons who abused me...that is when I was much freer...but I do believe, there are some acts forced on some people which may be virtually unforgivable...I am still on the fence with this one, TBH...please remember how valuable you are
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear that people have responded that way to you. They likely don't understand that an abuser's goal is to dominate and control the other person and his/her life. You are very strong and brave to have up and left him. :smile:

    I think that flashbacks (nightmares), feeling as bad as when it was happening, being afraid, feeling like it's not going to get better are all fairly common responses to abusive relationships - and, as Sadeyes notes, often they happen "later on" when people have moved out of the relationship.

    If you are interested, many shelters for people who are in abusive relationships can put you in touch with local counseling that is geared especially for people who have been/are being abused. Look up shelters in your area online or call a crisis line and ask for the number. There is probably help available in your area. And again, you're strong and brave - good for you for making the break! :hug:
  4. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    Thank you both for the support <3 I appreciate the advice.
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