Still so hard

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AJE, Apr 13, 2016.

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  1. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    For those who know me I had a failed attempt last week, it gave me a boost in mood knowing that it isn't the answer & I had to start to help myself.
    After a couple of days in hospital to check that I'm ok I had a bit of down turn.
    I still get reminded more than ever about my wife everywhere I go.
    I'm beginning to believe my only answer is to move far away so I can't see her everywhere I happen to be in my current locality, there's even places in this country I couldn't be as we went there at sometime.
    All my friends & family including my kids are here but all I can see is her.
    I'm clearly no way near over her & it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
    Can some one offer any advice as to wether moving far away is a credible thing to do ?
    Right now it's the only solution I can see to stay sane.
    I think I'm resigned to always being in love with her no matter what happens in the future & the thought of bumping into her with someone else would crucify me so moving away seems the answer to me.
    Am I looking at this logically ?
    I'm sort of accepting that I probably won't have a life with her again but I need to be far away for my own good I think.
    I'm doing ok & I won't ever do anything stupid again but I don't think I can stay around here for my own good.
    BetrayedSoul likes this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry to hear you're still struggling. (but happy to hear you're okay physically, I assume you are?)

    Perhaps you could benefit from going away for a while? Not necessarily forever, but just for a little while, maybe a few months to get yourself back in order and work on getting over her. It is very difficult to get over someone, and it can be near impossible if you constantly have reminders of them. But in some months of you working on yourself it will get easier.
    AJE likes this.
  3. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks phantomlady
    Physically apart from a swollen tongue which is getting better I'm ok.
    I'm resigned to always loving her but I know I need to look after me now.
    As u say maybe not forever but I do need to get away, it's too much being here at the moment.
    I know it will get easier eventually but this break up has floored me like no other.
    My medication & support network is very good, I havnt told anyone how I need to move away but that's what I need to help myself, I'm sure people won't like it but it seems logical to me.
  4. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    Hi AJE
    Sorry you've been having a hard time but am glad that you are still here and fighting on. I cant offer much advice on wives, as I'm in the process of getting divorced and will be happy enough not to see her again. But thinking about the big love of my life (who I never got round to marrying, damm!), I did at first find it hard to be places which remined me of her. But when I avoided these, I found that other places that we had never been to together somehow (because of some connection) remined me of her. In the end I realised that everything was reminding me of her and I just had to stop avoiding places and take time to grieve the end of our relationship. Maybe for you also you just have to accept that everything will remind you of her for some time and that wont chnage even if you move. Also sounds like big positive that your kids and familiy are neearby. Im thinking that you make need them now more than ever.
    Anyhow, look after yourself. I would also say that I never thought I would love again after I lost the love of my life. But I did and pretty soon afterwards.
    bestwv ishes
    AJE likes this.
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    AJE my friend, this has been a difficult time for you and it's a total life changer. Everything that was part of your life has changed and that's hard to deal with. Maybe as PhantomLady suggested, a short getaway from the place it all happened would help you to regroup and heal. That of course is an individual choice and only one that you can make. You sound like you think this would help, so maybe trying it on a temporary basis might answer your question. I'm also glad that you were unsuccessful in your attempt and that you've now gotten some help. As I've said before does take time and each of us are different in how long the pain lasts. I believe that eventually, you'll be able to put this period of your life behind you and start again. I wish you all the best my brother, hang in there and keep coming here for support.
    AJE likes this.
  6. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice bobbob
    I'll see how I go, I maybe need to be stronger but it's hard right now, she will always be in my heart of that I'm sure.
    I'm grateful for having spent nearly 3 years of my life with her & it will always mean the world to me.
    It will get easier but for now I'm coping ok :)
    bobbob likes this.
  7. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks as always Brian
    You are always a source of strength
    Brian777 likes this.
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