I'm still floating somewhere near the seabed in my ocean called depression. I haven't had an episode like this for some time. The last one, stretching back to my early twenties, left me in ICU for a while to recover. This is something only my family knows about me. But it is in that family where a sad heart doesn't fit that I found myself triggered into the darkest part. It was so painful to be alone that I began to make peace with an end. I'm still fighting to get away from that thought. And slowly, one by one, every close relationship has drifted further away. A once best friend is no longer returning phone calls to the crazy girl. They all think I'm crazy. None of them are staying. Why does everyone watch you drown and no one throws you a life vest? I miss the surface. Down here is just..dark.