Still staring up from the bottom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by caught me running, Mar 23, 2016.

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  1. caught me running

    caught me running New Member

    I'm still floating somewhere near the seabed in my ocean called depression. I haven't had an episode like this for some time.

    The last one, stretching back to my early twenties, left me in ICU for a while to recover.

    This is something only my family knows about me.

    But it is in that family where a sad heart doesn't fit that I found myself triggered into the darkest part. It was so painful to be alone that I began to make peace with an end.

    I'm still fighting to get away from that thought.

    And slowly, one by one, every close relationship has drifted further away. A once best friend is no longer returning phone calls to the crazy girl.

    They all think I'm crazy. None of them are staying.

    Why does everyone watch you drown and no one throws you a life vest?

    I miss the surface. Down here is just..dark.
  2. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I am really really sorry you are feeling this way......I'm also sorry your friend isn't returning ur calls either it must be hard.

    Have you been to your doctor for medication or extra support?? Or even just a therapist to talk things over with???

    I hope that you are able to even have a tinny little bit of light even if it's just a spec hold onto it and I am sure eventually it will grow, it won't be easy but I believe you can do it

    Please take care and be kind and look after yourself
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I am sorry you're feeling this bad.

    Are you getting any help to get you back to the surface? It's not an impossible task if you allow yourself to be helped!
    It is a strength to be realizing what is going on with you, use that strength to get the help you need and deserve.

    Please be kind to yourself. It really is possible to get better than this!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hiyas I am sorry for all you are going through and I truly hope things improve. If your ''friend'' was really a friend you wouldn't have lost them. There are true friends out there who will stand by your side and help you fight this, trust me I know because people stopped talking to me when they found out I was ''crazy'' too. It's a horrible feeling but it's good to know who your friends really are. I feel for you. Know you can talk here and make friends here who understand the turmoil you are going through.
  5. caught me running

    caught me running New Member

    I haven't been able to afford therapy for a few years now. I'd like to, but its just not feasible when you're scraping by.
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Caught me running, it's sad when the medical profession values money more than human compassion. Nobody should be left without care when it's available. Depression is a dark place, I know I'm there too. I see your caption picture is a storm lantern, that's very appropriate, keep your eyes on that light cause Eventually it will get brighter. Also that sea you're at the bottom of, when you're too weak to swim, just relax and you'll eventually float back to the surface. I know that's hokey stuff, especially when you feel that bad, but I believe it's true.....I have to cause I couldn't go on without hope. I'm glad you came to this site, you'll find the most caring and compassionate people anywhere, we'll support you as best we can. You will make it through this. Sending positive healing thoughts and prayers for peace.
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